Sarah Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. "Mommy," she said, "I'd like you to answer one question." "Very good," replied her mother, "I was wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees." "It's not that," said the girl. "I know all about screwing. What I would like to know is how to make lasagna."

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where aguy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said. "How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season's more than half over," he said.

Sarah's grandson is playing in the water, while she is standing on the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the boy is in the ocean. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He simply vanished.
Sarah holds her hands to the sky and cries, "God, how could you? Have I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have I not given to B'nai Brith and Haddasah? Have I not tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?"
Just then, another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling, splashing around as if nothing had happened.
A loud voice booms from the sky, "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?"
Sarah responded, "Well... He WAS wearing a hat."

The first grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess.

Teacher asks Sarah, "What did you do at recess?"
Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."
Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write' sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." She does and gets a cookie.

Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.
Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."
Teacher says, "Good. If you write' box' correctly on blackboard, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." Morris does, and gets a cookie.

Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.
He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."
Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write' blatant racial discrimination,' I'll give you a cookie."

Sarah Palin has taken to her Facebook page to demand that PresidentObama fire his chief of staff Rahm Emanuel for referring to a plan thatwould attack Democrats who are opposed to health care legislation as"f----ing retarded". Palin says Emanuel's remark was disparaging tothe disabled. She went on to say that Emanuel could have more properlyand sensitively emphasized his point by saying that the plan was"fucking mentally challenged."

Going to shul
Benjamin woke up one Saturday morning in a bad mood. When he came down to breakfast, he put on his yarmulke and sat across the table from his visiting sister, Sarah.
"I`m not going to shul today!" he said to Sarah emphatically.
"Yes you are." Sarah replied calmly.
"No I`m not. . . I don`t think I really want to ever go again!" Benjamin said with obvious irritation. "The people down there don`t like me, they ignore me sometimes. . . they don`t appreciate me at all. . . and I won`t go back."
"Yes, you will go today, and you will continue", said Sarah with confidence. And, I`ll give you two reasons. Number one, you`re 45 years old. .. and Number two, you`re the Rabbi!"

Once there was a girl named Maria having her 13th birthday. She had three of her closest friends over. Their names were Jessica, Sarah and Amy. Amy told Maria that she heard weird sounds coming from the closet and she thought there was a ghost in it, but Maria didn't believe her. Next, Sarah told Maria the same, but Maria still didn't believe them. Then Jessica told Maria the same thing too. This time, Maria said "Chill guys! I'll even go to closet and prove that it is safe!" Maria did as she had said and her three friends followed her. Maria turned out to be wrong.
There was a strange noise coming from the closet. She listened closely and heard a mysterious voice saying "I've gotcha where I want ya, and now I'm gonna eat ya!"
Maria got freaked out and said "I don't believe it! I'm just gonna check one more time."
Again she heard "I've gotcha where I want ya, and now I'm gonna eat ya!" But this time she opened the closet so that she more...