Satan Jokes / Recent Jokes

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way." I like having more...

A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell.""I don't know!" she flounders."Tell you what," St. Peter says, "You can have 24 hours in heaven and 24 hours in hell. Then you have to decide where to spend eternity.""Okay then," she says. "I'll start with heaven since I'm here already."She goes in the pearly gates and makes some acquaintances. They have a nice walk among beautiful gardens. They have a nice quiet lunch. They have a nice stroll along a pristine, white, sandy beach looking out on brilliant blue ocean. At the end of the day she is shown to a nice room, and has a quiet meal on the balcony, looking out over the setting sun and the ocean. She marvels at the scenic beauty of heaven.The next morning, St. Peter takes her to the fiery gates of hell and hands her more...

Obsessive cyberflirt, actually 47 years old and hasn't left her house in weeks but feels loved because she has 300 AOL'ers chasing her.
Odinist Mafiosi dominatrix gangster's moll, in Norway and bored because she hasn't shed any blood in THREE DAYS, let alone killed anyone.
Cyberspace Jaye Davidson, considers himself trapped in a man's body but won't admit it.
Illiterate bimbo, knows how to use the SHOUT command on MUDs and nothing else.
Smirking college student who thinks it's so fun to tease men, and does nothing but IRC on #hotsex because she's the star of the show. Uses the name of one of her sorority sisters so that the losers who track her down don't pester HER.
AOL hacker-wannabe. Will sleep with anyone who can tell her about Kevin Mitnick.
Bored grad student's AI routine "blonde.c"
Kibo.
Achmed Darsein, who is cleverly disguising himself as a woman in order to learn about the USA and blow up the World Trade Center again. Your first clue more...

A doctor died and went to hell. He was met at the gate and asked to stand in a room and wait for Satan. After 4 hours Satan finally appeared. The doctor was incensed. Poking his watch he said, "How could you keep me waiting so long!! I am an important man! I'm a doctor!"
Satan replied, "Doctors are a dime a dozen here in Hell. But I'll tell you what. Since you had to wait so long, I will give you a choice of which part of hell you will spend eternity in."
Satan took the doctor down a hall and said, "Here. I'll be back shortly. You can choose between Door #1 and Door #2. I'll be back and you can let me know where you want to be assigned."
The doctor opened Door #1. Inside was an Intensive Care Unit. Blood was spurting, alarms were going off and patients were coding. A man in the corner extubated himself as a woman in the center fell out of bed. The doctor quickly shut the door and said, "My God, I really am in Hell. I'd better check more...

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the much better
programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several lines of code streaming up the screen.
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning
strikes, taking out the electricity.
Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the
contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he had come up with.
Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then." said God, "Let us see it Jesus fared any better."
Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid
display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers.
Satan was astonished and stuttered, "But how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did more...

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do."Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?""Nope, sure ain't," said the man.Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"The man calmly replied, "Been married to your more...

Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we`ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You`ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you`ve got me in a good mood, I`ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you`ll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill`s delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I`ll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of more...