Saturday Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and young nun, Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.

Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Fr. John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday nightbath had gone.

'Oh, sister,' said the young nun dreamily.' I've been saved.'

'Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?' asked the old nun.

'Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.'

'Did he now?' said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued,' And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal more...

Car bombs and a suicide bomber left at least 75 people dead and more than 100 wounded Saturday, the day former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein was executed for crimes committed during his rule.
At least 66 people were killed in car bomb attacks on markets in a Shiite area of Baghdad and the southern Shiite town of Kufa.
Residents have been shopping for the Eid al-Adha Muslim holiday, which started Saturday for Sunnis and will start Sunday for Shiites.
A new wave of car bomb attacks is scheduled on Monday for Sunnis and Tuesday for Shiites.

Every Saturday morning Grandpa Walt found himself babysitting his three grandchildren...all boys. The kids always wanted to play' 'war,'' and Grandpa somehow always got coaxed into the game.
His daughter came to pick up the kids early one Saturday and witnessed Grandpa take a fake shot as Jason pointed a toy gun and yelled, "Bang!''
Grandpa slumped to the floor and stayed there motionless. The daughter rushed over to see if he was all right. Grandpa opened one eye and whispered,' 'Sh-h-h, I always do this. It's the only chance I get to rest.''

Little Johnny's Joke
Little Johnny was sitting on his backyard swing set with some of his sixth grade schoolmates one Saturday when they started to tell some jokes to each other.
Little Susie started off by saying, "Knock, knock?"
Everyone answered, "Who's there?"
Susie says, "Boo!"
Everyone replied, "Boo who?"
To which Susie said, "Why are you all crying?" and everyone broke out laughing.
At this point, Little Johnny got up and started into his joke, "Hey, did you all hear about the prostitute who got fingered by Captain Hook?"
Immediately, Little Johnny's mother, who was nearby watering the roses and had heard Little Johnny start off, came rushing over and shouted, "Alright Little Johnny! That's enough! In fact, all of you kids can go home now. Leave, please."
The following Saturday, Little Johnny again invited his friends over, this time to play some video games. During a lull more...

A little boy is walking around a supermarket with his Dad, when he sees some condoms on a shelf.
"What are they, Dad?" the boy asks.
"Well, you use one when things start to get interesting between a man and a women" his Dad replies.
"Why would you need a pack of three, then Dad?" he asks.
"Well, if you get lucky then there's one for Friday night, one for Saturday night and one for Sunday night," replies his Dad.
The boy continues, "Well, why would you need a pack of six, Dad?"
His Dad replies "That's for if you get really lucky. One for every night of the week; Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and so on through to Saturday."
By this point the boy is getting intrigued. "So Dad, what is a pack of 12 used for?"
"Now," says the boy's Dad, "that's for when you're married. One for January, one for February...."

Subject: Father John

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and young Sister
Magdalene Edwards had prepared the bath water and towels just the way
the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene Edwards was also instructed
not to look at Fr. John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he
told her to do, and pray.


The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday
night bath had gone. "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've
been saved." "Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked the
old nun. "Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to
wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between
his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."


"Did he now," said the old nun evenly.


Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the more...

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night.
Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back.
Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again.
So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he more...