Saturday Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cohen showed up at synagogue one Saturday and the rabbi almost fell down when he saw him. Cohen had never been seen in a synagogue in his life.
After Services, the rabbi caught Cohen and said "Mr. Cohen, I am so glad you decided to come here.
What made you come?"
Cohen said, "I got to be honest with you, Rabbi, a while back, I misplaced my favorite hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that Levy had one just like mine and I knew that Levi came to Services every
Saturday.
I also knew that Levy takes off his hat during Services and he leaves it in the back of the sanctuary. So, I was going to leave after the SHMAH and steal Levi's hat."
The rabbi said, "Well, Cohen, I notice that you didn't steal Levy's hat.
What changed your mind?"
Cohen said "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal Levy's hat."
The rabbi gave Cohen a big smile and said "After more...

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through 20 minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom.
After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the more...

Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late. His wife asks him, "What took you so long?"
The guy says, "That was the worst game of golf I've ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack."
The guy's wife says, "That's terrible!"
The guy says, "I know. Then, for the rest of the game, it was hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie..."

A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the son comes across the condoms and asks his father what they are. The dad replies, “Well son, those are condoms and they’re for protection when you’re having sex. ”
The son then picks up one of the packs and asks why it has three in it. The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday. ”
The son then picks up one with six condoms asks, “Why six? ”
The dad replies, “Well son, those are for college men. Two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday. ”
The son then notices the 12 pack of condoms and asks the same question.
The dad replies, “Son, those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…. ”

How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late. His wife asks him, “What took you so long? ”

The guy says, “That was the worst game of golf I’ve ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack. ”

The guy’s wife says, “That’s terrible! ”

The guy says, “I know. Then, for the rest of the game, it was hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie…”

A few years ago, there was a news story on the radio about a Jewish synagogue that had a problem with the Baptists down the street. Some Jews were unable to find a space in their own parking lot because members of the nearby Baptist church, which met earlier in the morning for revival meetings, got there first.

So the Jewish synagogue had a problem.

Now they could have towed the Baptist's cars away. Or they could have patrolled their lot Saturday mornings. Or they could have written a letter to the offending church members, imploring them to park elsewhere, but they didn't.

Instead, they used bumper stickers.

One Saturday morning they stuck a bumper sticker to every car in the lot -- Baptist and Jewish alike. The sticker read:

"I'M PROUD TO BE JEWISH! "

No more parking lot problems.