Saturday Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a father and his little boy that went into a local drug store to pick up a prescription. While in the store the little boy was looking around and came upon a rather large display for condoms. The little boy looked at all the brightly colored packages and the different types and the different quantities. The little boy went to his father and asked "Daddy, what are these condoms?" The father, stuttered, and said "Well, they are for protection from diseases when a man and a woman make love." The little boy contemplated the concept for a few moments and then asked "Then, why do these come in a package of three?" The father coyly answered "Those are for young men in high school. One for Friday night, one for Saturday night and one for Sunday afternoon." "UH-HUH" said the little boy, "then why are these in packages of six?" The father smirked "Those are for young men in college. There are two for Friday night, two more...

One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn. A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!" To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"

Needing some clothes cleaned in a hurry, a man searched this small
Georgia town in which he was visiting until he found a sign which
read: "Cleaning and Pressing, 24-Hour Service."
After explaining his needs, he said, "I'll be back for
my suit tomorrow."
"Won't be ready til Saturday," replied the proprietor.
"But I thought you had 24-hour service," the customer protested.
"We do, son," the proprietor said reproachfully. "But we only
work eight hours a day. Today's Thursday - eight hours today,
eight hours Friday, eight on Saturday. That's 24-hour service."

Needing some clothes cleaned quickly, a man searched the small town he was visiting until he found a sign which read: Cleaning and Pressing - 24-Hour Service.
After explaining what he needed, he said, "I'll be back tomorrow to pick up my suit."
"Oh, but it won't be ready until Saturday," replied the proprietor.
"But your sign states '24-Hour Service'," the man protested.
"Yes, that's correct," the proprietor said reproachfully, "but, we only work eight hours a day. Today is Thursday - eight hours today, eight hours Friday, eight on Saturday. That's 24-hour service."

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like prohibition is coming back.

Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again.

So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during more...

There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch and make a go of it, but she knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for ranch hands.
Two men applied for the job... One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He turned out to be a fantastic worker, worked long hard hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing really well.
Then one day the rancher's wife said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and we've both done nothing but work for weeks. The ranch looks great, and I'm taking Saturday night off and going into town to kick up my heels and paint the town red, and I think you should do the same."
The hired more...

Neighbors had complained to the mayor about the noisy pub on the corner of 3rd & Lambourne. Seems that the old cronies got together every friday & saturday, played cards, drank beer, told lies and jokes until 2am Saturday morning, when the pub had to close.
Officer Redding, parked down the street was not amused. He checked his watch, noted it was 01:55, time for the old drunks to start leaving. If he hadn't been assigned this crap detail he'd be down at the I-80 Truck stop about now having a nice hot cup of coffee. Redding pulled out a cigarette and was about to light up when the door of the pub slammed open and an old geezer stumbled out. Redding put the smoke back in the pack; he was "on point" now.
The old man stumbled around, fished his car keys out of his pocket, dropped them a couple of times, finally found them and weaved down the sidewalk and across the road to his car.
Redding started his engine, watching carefully as the old man fumbled to unlock his more...