Saturday Jokes / Recent Jokes
MARK YOUR CALENDARS FOR THIS SATURDAY!!!
AS YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW, IT IS A SIN FOR A TALIBAN MALE TO SEE ANY WOMAN OTHER THAN HIS WIFE NAKED, AND THAT HE MUST COMMIT SUICIDE IF HE DOES.
SO THIS SATURDAY AT 4 P. M. EASTERN TIME ALL AMERICAN WOMEN ARE ASKED TO WALK OUT OF THEIR HOUSE COMPLETELY NAKED TO HELP WEED OUT ANY NEIGHBORHOOD TERRORISTS.
CIRCLING YOUR BLOCK FOR ONE HOUR IS RECOMMENDED FORTHIS ANTI-TERRORIST EFFORT.
ALL MEN ARE TO POSITION THEMSELVES IN LAWN CHAIRS IN FRONT OF THEIR HOUSE TO PROVE THEY ARE NOT TALIBAN AND TO DEMONSTRATE THAT THEY THINK IT IS OKAY TO SEE NUDE WOMEN OTHER THAN THEIR WIFE AND TO SHOW SUPPORT FOR ALL AMERICAN WOMEN.
AND SINCE THE TALIBAN ALSO DOES NOT APPROVE OF ALCOHOL, A COLD 6-PACK AT YOUR SIDE IS FURTHER PROOF
OF YOUR ANTI-TALIBAN SENTIMENT.
THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT APPRECIATES YOUR EFFORTS TO ROOT OUT more...
There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch and make a go of it, but she knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for ranch hands. Two men applied for the job... One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He turned out to be a fantastic worker, worked long hard hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing really well. Then one day the rancher's wife said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and we've both done nothing but work for weeks. The ranch looks great, and I'm taking Saturday night off and going into town to kick up my heels and paint the town red, and I think you should do the same." The hired hand agreed readily, more...
Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time. He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, sometimes 36 holes. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course. Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down - torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. He returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that crap?"
Every Saturday morning the husband goes fishing. He gets up early, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long.
So, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, makes his lunch, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck. Coming out of his garage, rain is pouring down in a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain and the wind is blowing 50 miles per hour.
inutes later, he returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to check the weather forecast. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife's back and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible."
To which she sleepily replies, "I know, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
Why are Saturday and Sunday so strong?
Because the rest are weekdays.
Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn't do it any more.
Driving a car doesn't always sound like fun.
The average ten-year-old doesn't have a clue who Bo and Luke Duke are.
Being bad is no longer cool.
You have friends who have kids.
Saturday mornings are for sleeping.
Your parents' jokes are now funny.
You have owned, and since disowned Michael Jackson's Thriller.
Christmas starts to make you mad.
You would rather wear your dirty clothes again,' cause mom is not there to do your laundry anymore.
Naps are good.
Hitting girls is no longer considered flirting.
You have once deemed Space Invaders as "The best game ever".
When things go wrong, you can't just yell, "Do-over!"
The only thing in your cereal box is...cereal.
You actually buy scarves, gloves, and sunscreen.
Your idea of fun more...
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad? ” To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son…. Men use them to have safe sex. ” “Oh I see, ” replied the boys pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school. ” He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package. ” The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday. ” “Cool! ” says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then who are these for? ” “Those are for college men. ” the dad answers, “TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday. ” “WOW! ” exclaimed the boy, “then who uses THESE? ” he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…….. ”