Saturday Jokes / Recent Jokes

Every Saturday morning an avid golfer gets up early to catch his morning tee time and spend the better part of his day playing golf.
One Saturday morning, as is his schedule, he gets up early, eats a quick breakfast and heads out to the course. The weather is terrible; there’s a torrential downpour with snow mixing in and a 50 mph wind.
Defeated, he packs it in early and decides to return home, deciding he can go back out later if the weather improves. He comes back into the house and turns on the TV to the weather channel, which informs him it’s only going to get worse. He puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses, then slips back into bed with his wife. “The weather out there is terrible, ” he whispers.
“Yeah, ” she replies, “can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing? ”

What do Arabs do on saturday night? They sit under palm trees and eat their dates.

This foursome has teed off every Saturday morning for the past three years. One of the guys was a most remarkable player. He would play left-handed for a couple of weeks, and the next week he would play right-handed with equal skill. His one annoying fault was that every couple of months or so he would be twenty minutes late to tee off. One morning, after this guy had landed his second shot just two feet from the pin, one of the others said. "I can't stand it any longer! Jess, what's with switching sides, right to left? Why do you do that?" "Well, I tell ya. Every Saturday morning when I wake up, I turn over and look at my wife in the bed next to me. If she's sleeping on her right side, then I tee off right- handed. If she's on her left side, then I play left-handed." "Aha! But what if she's on her back?" "That's when I'm twenty minutes late!"

So there are three golfers, (Bob, Max, and Ted) who are looking for a
fourth. Bob mentions that his friend George is a pretty good golfer, so
they decide to invite him for the following Saturday.
"Sure, I'd love to play," says George, "but I may be about ten minutes
late, so wait for me."
So Saturday rolls around. Bob, Max, and Ted arrive promptly at 9:00,
and find George already waiting for them. He plays right-handed, and
beats them all. Quite pleased with their new fourth, they ask him if
he'd like to play again the following Saturday.
"Yeah, sounds great," says George. "But I may be about ten minutes
late, so wait for me."
The following Saturday, again, all four golfers show up on time, but
this time George plays left-handed, and beats them all. As they're
getting ready to leave, George says:
"See you next Saturday. But I may be about ten minutes late, so wait
for more...

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80s, slim, 5'-4" (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six- unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the air guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my boss collection of eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES: I can usually more...

Three guys get together every Saturday to go to the local Country Club to play golf. One Saturday morning, the pro approaches them and asks if they would mind if a new member could join in with them for the day. They agree to give it a try and the four go off to play golf.
The new guy plays left handed and has a great round. The group decides that they had such a good time that they invite the new guy to join in again the following week. The new guy says he'd love to, but he might be a couple of minutes late. They tell him that that's no problem and they all go home.
The next week, the new guy is there right on time and this time plays right handed. Again they all have a great time and invite him for the following week. He again tells them that he would love to but might be a couple of minutes late.
This goes on for several weeks with the new guy golfing both right and left handed. Finally, one of the original threesome can't stand it anymore and asks him, "How do you more...

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and young Sister Magdalene Edwards had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene Edwards was also instructed not to look at Fr. John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had done.
"Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily."I've been saved."
"Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked the old nun.
"Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."
"Did he now," said the old nun evenly.
Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of more...