Saturday Jokes / Recent Jokes
A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle.
The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms.
The father replies, " Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night."
The son then asks his father, " What's the 6-pack for? "
The father replies, " Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning."
Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, " Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for....."
You think "Going the extra mile" means using toothpaste.
You take a bar of soap to your local pool.
Your dentures have fillings.
Your idea of conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to every other Saturday night.
Your wife has ever burnt out an electric razor.
Your medical plan is not to get sick.
Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing
breathlessly into a lengthy speech."Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't
know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?"Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake."I'm sorry dear," I replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan.""Gosh, Mom," the young woman's voice replied, "I didn't think you'd be *this* mad!"
Why do gays eat refried beans on Saturday night? So they can take a bubble bath Sunday morning.
Dear (IT) Technical Support:
I am desperate for some help.
I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the
new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product
brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other
system activity.
Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run
and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Saturday
Rugby 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot
seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of
my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend
7.0 but uninstall doesn't work on this program.
Can you please help.
Joe
Dear Joe,
This is a very common problem resulting from a more...
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday more...
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,' What are these, Dad?' To which the man matter-of-factly replies,' Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex.'' Oh I see,' replied the boys pensively.' Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.' He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,' Why are there 3 in this package.' The dad replies,' Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.'' Cool!' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks,' Then who are these for?'' Those are for college men.' the dad answers,' TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.'' WOW!' exclaimed the boy,' then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied,' Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........'