"Technical Support for Wife 1.0" joke

Dear (IT) Technical Support:
I am desperate for some help.
I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the
new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product
brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other
system activity.
Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run
and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Saturday
Rugby 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot
seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of
my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend
7.0 but uninstall doesn't work on this program.
Can you please help.
Joe
Dear Joe,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic
misunderstanding. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.
Whereas Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run
everything.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back
to Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it
is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the
system once installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have
ended up with even more problems. (See in manual under
alimony/Child Support and Solicitors Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed
and deal with the difficulties as best you can. When any faults or
problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:
I APOLOGISE program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-key. It may
be necessary to run C: I APOLOGISE a number of times but hopefully
eventually the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance program can be very
rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying additional
software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not under any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version)
as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the
system will almost certainly crash.