Say Jokes / Recent Jokes

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"

Two Englishmen struck up a conversation with an American in the club car of a train headed east out of Chicago.
"I say," queried the younger Englishman, "have you ever been to London?"
The American laughed. "It was my home for two years during the war," he said. "Had some of the wildest times of my life in that old town."
The older Englishman, a little hard of hearing, asked, "What did he say, Reggie?"
"He said he's been to London, father," the younger Englishman replied.
After a little lull in the conversation, the young man asked, "You didn't, by any chance, meet a Hazel Wimbleton in London, did you?"
The American almost fell off his chair. "Hot-Pants Hazel?!" he exclaimed. "My God, I shacked up with that broad for three months just before I came back to the States."
"What did he say, Reggie?" the older Englishman wanted to know.
"He says more...

There are two guys walking in front of a large church. One guy says to the other, "Just a minute, I'll be right back." He goes into the confessional and says, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned. I have had two extramarital affairs." The Father says, "You need to say 40 Hail Marys, and I also need to know if the women were members of my parish." The confessor replies, "Yes Father, they were." The priest says then that in order to receive absolution he, the priest, needed the names of the two women. The man said, "Father, I don't kiss and tell, and besides, I must leave them to handle their own confessions." The priest responded, "Well, was one of them Mrs. O'Reilly?" The man replied, "No Father, and I wouldn't say anyway. I've told you that!"The priest says, "Well, was one of them Mrs. Brown?" Exasperated the man said, "No Father, and I told you I'm not telling you the names of the women!!!"The more...

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say' hell' and you say' ass'."

The 4-year-old happily agrees.
As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies, "Aw hell, Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios."

The surprised mother reacts quickly and whacks him one. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son, "And what would YOU like for breakfast?"

"I don't know," the 4-year-old blubbers, "but you can bet your ASS it's not gonna be Cheerios!"

Northerners visiting the South Information for Northerners Visiting the Southern States
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the south, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in life styles:
1. If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel-drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a towchain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
2. Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.
3. Remember: “Y’all” is singular, “All y’all” is plural, and “All y’alls’” is plural possessive.
4. Get used to hearing “You ain’t from around here, are ya? ”
5. You may hear a Southerner say “Oughta! ” to a dog or child. This is short for “Y’all oughta not do that! ” and is the equivalent of saying “No! more...

Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.

What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party? You're not owld enough.