Say Jokes / Recent Jokes

What did the necktie say to the hat?
You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
What did the rug say to the floor?
Don't move, I've got you covered.
What do bees do with their honey?
They cell it.
What do you call a calf after it's six months old?
Seven months old.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"

What did the fireman say when the church caught on fire? "Holy smoke!"

People say that hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever know anybody who rested to death?

FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it`s an even trade.

NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give more...

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.

In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer.

"Joe. Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"

"Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"

"I didn't ask for any details." the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"

"Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--"

"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply more...

There once was a third grader named Jimmy. Every time the teacher would say something, Jimmy would say, "How about that!"
One day, the teacher said, "And then George Washington crossed the Delaware."
Jimmy said, "How about that!"
The teacher told Jimmy, "If you say that one more time, you are going out into the hall, mister!"
To that, Jimmy replied, ", Well, how about that!"
Taking him by the arm, the teacher marched Jimmy into the hall and said, "While you're out here, I want you to write a poem to tell the class."
Twenty minutes later, the teacher came out to get Jimmy and said, "Before we go back in, I want to hear your poem."
Jimmy said, "As I stood in the hall, I saw a cockroach go up the wall. How about that!"
The teacher said, "That's fine, Jimmy, but I want you to leave the cock out."
She took him back into the classroom and announced that more...