Scale Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yo mama's so fat - Yo Mama's so fat, she couldn't fit in a satellite photo. - Yo Mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose - Yo Mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes - Yo Mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs - Yo Mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, kids shout: "Free Willy! free Willy!" - Yo Mama's so fat, she's got her own zip code - Yo Mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise - Yo Mama's so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago... - Yo Mama's so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance. - Yo Mama's so fat, she jumped in air and got stuck. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she wears Maclom X shirt, helicopters land on her. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down more...

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.
The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
"That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

I'll hit you so hard you'll have to take off your shoes to shit!
I'll hit you so hard you'll have to unzip your pants to say hi!
I'll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy!
I'll hit you so hard your wife will fall! Yo Mama sucks cocks in hell
Your Mama's so bald, you can see what is on her mind!
Your Mama's so stupid, she thinks socialism means partying!
Your Mama's so stupid, she thinks manual labor is a Mexican!
Your Mama's so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
Your Mama's so stupid, she takes an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"!
Your Mama's so stupid, she probably thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill.
Your Mama's so stupid, she has blonde roots in her eyeballs.
Your Mama's so stupid, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Your Mama's so stupid, she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
Your Mama's so stupid, she went to a Whalers more...

The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new model being introduced
at the trade fair. “Listen to these features it's calibrated to one-one-hundredth of a pound; it can measure your height as well, in feet or meters; it gives you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator; and that's not all...”“Very impressive,” interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep for a chain of home furnishings stores, “but before I place an order I'll have to try it out.”“Be my guest,” said the manufacturer graciously. No sooner had the sales rep taken his place on the scale than a loud, very human-sounding voice issued forth, “One at a time, please, one at a time!”

A man goes into a restaurant and orders soup. When the waiter brings
out the bowl he has his thumb stuck in the soup, but the customer decides to
let it go.
"Would you like anything else?" the waiter inquires. "We have some very
good beef stew today."
"Sounds good," says the customer. So the waiter goes off and comes
back with a plate of stew, and his thumb is in the stew. The customer is getting
angry now, but decides to hold his tongue.
"How about some hot apple pie?" asks the waiter.
"Fine," says the customer. The waiter returns with his thumb stuck in
the pie. Now the customer is really getting furious.
"Coffee?" asks the waiter, and when the customer nods yes, he hurries
off. He returns with his thumb stuck in the cup of coffee. By now the customer
can no longer restrain himself.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Every time you've come to the
table more...

Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"

Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so fat were in her right now

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...

Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world

Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!

Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!

Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama so fat when more...

Her nickname is "DAMN"
she eats Wheat Thicks.
people jog around her for exercise.
she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.
when she sits in the classroom, she sits beside everybody.
she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for the new world.
she put on a red tee shirt and all the little kids said "Kool-Aid, Kool-Aid".
they wrote a book about her, It was called Moby Dick.
she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy.
she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
she got to iron her pants on the driveway
she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
the highway patrol made her wear more...