Scene Jokes / Recent Jokes
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial. It went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then, officer -- do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a more...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the pad
Not a hip cat was swinging, and that's nowhere Dad.
The stove was hung up on that stocking routine,
In hopes that the fat man would soon make the scene.
The kids had all had it so they hit their sacks,
And me and the bride had begun to relax,
When there started a rumble that came on real frantic,
So I opened the window to figure the panic.
I saw a square short that was making fat tracks,
Being pulled by eight dogs who were wearing hat racks.
And a funny old geezer was flipping his lid,
As he told' em to make it and, man, like they did.
I couldn't help digging the scene on the roof
As I stood there just waiting for chubby to goof.
They stood by the chimney in bunches and clusters,
Til tubby slid down, coming on like gangbusters.
His threads were the squarest and I had to chuckle,
In front, not in back, was his ivy league more...
While on routine patrol... / I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed.
The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner / He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN-DON'T FEED THE PIGS!"
The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control. / It was raining.
I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner. / The dirt-bag let go with an "oink" when I walked by.
Knowing the suspect had a criminal history... / He puked on my uniform one night.
The information is of known credibility and has provided reliable information in the past. / I've got two theft cases hanging over my head.
While being arrested, this subject resisted being injured in the act. / He ripped my shirt and broke my new mirror sunglasses.
The motorist was cited for multiple traffic violations. / I wrote one citation for each swear word.
Upon announcing my title and purpose, I heard a more...
A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch. "Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. "Head on curb."
Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer. Farmer Brown responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'!" Farmer Brown said, "Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please more...
The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey! Cut it out, already." The rear tiger says, "Sorry," and they continue.
After about another 5 minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!" The rear tiger says, "Sorry," and they continue.
After about another 5 minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"
The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate an attorney and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.Q. Officer, who provided this description?A. The officer who responded to the scene.Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?A. Yes sir, with my life.Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?A. Yes sir, we do.Q. And do you have a locker in that room?A. Yes sir, I do.Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?A. Yes sir.Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?A. You see sir, we share the building more...