Scene Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here are rules for The Anime Drinking Game, it is suggested that you only use a few at a time (if you value your liver). The general rules are first followed by the one that are series specific. General Rules: Drink once whenever there is a bath/shower scene. Drink once every time a robot combines/transforms etc. Twice if it is accompanied by the "Synthesized Battle Music Theme". Drink once every time a character says an English word or phrase. Finish the bottle if the word is "Darlin". Drink once whenever you see a sign, computer readout etc. in English. Three times if it's not spelled right. Drink once whenever a Hyperdimensional sledgehammer/16 ton weight/. 44 Automag is used to subdue somebody. Drink once if the big giant robot ends up being piloted by somebody other than the person who was supposed to fly it. Drink once when the background goes abstract for dramatic effect. If the action repeats itself X times, drink X times. Drink once when an unexpected wind more...

As a guy takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next to him. After taking off, the flight attendant comes around to serve the passengers on the plane. The guy asks the flight attendant for a coffee and the parrot squawks: "And get ME a coke...NOW!"The flight attendant, flustered by the parrot's attitude, brings back a coke for the parrot. However, she forgets the coffee for the guy.As the guy points this out, the parrot drains his glass and screams:"Get me another coke or I'll really create a scene!"Quite upset, the attendant comes back shaking, with another coke, but still no coffee.Irritated at her forgetfulness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it right now, or I'll create a scene that will make HIS look like a Victorian tea party!"The next moment, both the guy and the parrot are grabbed and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly security more...

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room more...

There was something funny about the kidnapping crime scene that Special Agent Frievald couldn't quite place, and the thought stuck with him throughout the rest of the day,
like those tiny little bits of the circumferent skin from the bologna slices on a foot-long Subway Cold Cut Trio that get stuck in between the last two molars on the upper left, on the tongue side where you can't possibly reach them with a toothpick, your fingernails, or even a systematically straightened paper clip, they just sit there and make everything you eat at your next meal taste vaguely like vinegar and mayonnaise, and then somehow -
quietly but miraculously - they disappear by themselves in the middle of the night while you're asleep, just like the visiting Countess appeared to have done

These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest:
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of more...

Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder.
There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse.
In the defense's closing statement the lawyer,
knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted,
resorts to a clever trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at his watch.
"Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this court room," he says and he looks toward the courtroom door.

The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens.
Finally the lawyer says:' Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly more...

Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’? ” asked the lawyer.
Farmer Brown responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…”
“I didn’t ask for any details, ” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’! ”
Farmer Brown said, “Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”
The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a more...