Scene Jokes / Recent Jokes

As a guy takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next to him. After taking off, the flight attendant comes around to serve the passengers on the plane. The guy asks the flight attendant for a coffee and the parrot squawks: "And get ME a coke... NOW!"
The flight attendant, flustered by the parrot's attitude, brings back a coke for the parrot. However, she forgets the coffee for the guy.
As the guy points this out, the parrot drains his glass and screams:
"Get me another coke or I'll really create a scene!"
Quite upset, the attendant comes back shaking, with another coke, but still no coffee.
Irritated at her forgetfulness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it right now, or I'll create a scene that will make HIS look like a Victorian tea party!"
The next moment, both the guy and the parrot are grabbed and thrown out of the emergency more...

At the scene of a bank raid the police officer came running up to his inspector and said, "He got away, sir!" The inspector was furious. "But I told you to put a man on all the exits!" he roared. "How could he have got away?" "He left by one of the entrances, sir!"

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this: Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q. Officer, who provided this description? A. The officer who responded to the scene. Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so- called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A. Yes sir, with my life. Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties? A. Yes sir, we do. Q. And do you have a locker in that room? A. Yes sir, I do. Q. And do you have a lock on your locker? A. Yes sir. Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers? A. You see sir, we share more...

All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, regardless of the time.

Corollary 1:

Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat.

Corollary 2:

Always order food "to go".

The Paramedical Laws of Time:

There is absolutely no relationship between the time at which you are supposed to get off shift and the time at which you will get off shift.

Given the following equation: T + 1 Minute = Relief Time, "T" will always be the time of the last call of your shift. E.g., If you are supposed to get off shift at 08:00, your last run will come in at 07:59.

(Or if you have early relief coming in you will see you relief sitting at the first stop light from the station, waving!)

The Paramedical Law of Gravity:

Any instrument, when dropped, will always come to rest in the least accessible place possible.

The Paramedical Law of Time And more...

You might be a redneck if there has ever been a crime scene tape across your bathroom door!

[Scene of two women sitting in a kitchen arguing.]
Woman One: "It's a detergent."
Woman Two: "It's a contraceptive."
Woman One: "It's a detergent."
Woman Two: "It's a contraceptive."
Woman One: "It's a detergent."
Woman Two: "It's a contraceptive."
Anouncer: "Your both right! New Earstide is both a detergent AND a
contraceptive!
[Scene changes to faceless woman doing laundry. Before and
after scenes show clothes coming out of the wash spotless.]
"Earstide can get even the toughest stains out! Look how it completely
removes dried in food stains, grass stains, caked in mud, and even blood
stains."
[Charts are now shown.]
"But that's not all! Earstide has also shown to be 95 percent effective
contraceptive.
How can Earstide do all these great things? Because Earstide is made
from real protein, and protein gets out more...

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great
skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered
me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable
to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the
counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me,
"You Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her
that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the
Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through
some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.

Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here,' The three
wise man came from afar.'"