"Murphy's Laws of EMS" joke

All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, regardless of the time.

Corollary 1:

Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat.

Corollary 2:

Always order food "to go".

The Paramedical Laws of Time:

There is absolutely no relationship between the time at which you are supposed to get off shift and the time at which you will get off shift.

Given the following equation: T + 1 Minute = Relief Time, "T" will always be the time of the last call of your shift. E.g., If you are supposed to get off shift at 08:00, your last run will come in at 07:59.

(Or if you have early relief coming in you will see you relief sitting at the first stop light from the station, waving!)

The Paramedical Law of Gravity:

Any instrument, when dropped, will always come to rest in the least accessible place possible.

The Paramedical Law of Time And Distance:

The distance of the call from the Hospital increases as the time to shift change decreases.

Corollary 1:

The shortest distance between the station and the scene is under construction.

The Paramedical Rule of Random Synchronicity:

Emergency calls will randomly come in all at once.

The Rule of Respiratory Arrest:

All patients who are vomiting and must be intubated will have just completed a large meal of Barbecue and Onions, Garlic Pizza, and Pickled Herring, all of which was washed down with at least three cans of Beer.

The Basic Principle For Dispatchers:

Assume that all field personnel are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.

The Basic Principle For Field Personnel:

Assume that all dispatchers are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.

The Axiom of Late-Night Runs:

If you respond to any Motor Vehicle Accident call after Midnight and do not find a drunk on the scene, keep looking: somebody is still missing.