Schedule Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young couple were married and they were having sex all the time during their honeymoon, but when the honeymoon was over they had to adjust their sex schedule to their work schedule. so every day the husband would get home at 5 o'clock, and every day they would go to bed at 5:15. in the door at 5, in the sack at 5:15. this went on for months, never missing a day until the wife came down with the flu and went to the doctor to get a flu shot. the shot killed all the germs inside her except for three, and these three germs were huddled together inside her body talking over their survival plans. one germ said,' I am going to hide between two toes on her left foot, I don't think the antibiotics will find me there'. A second exclaimed,' I am going to hide behind her right ear, I don't think they'll find me there.' The last germ said,' I don't know about you guys, but when that 5:15 pulls out tonight, I'm gonna be on it!'

An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure. The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked forhis departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York. Sometime later he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country he was told to turn due South. Knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule he inquired, quiteagitated, to the controller for the reason of the turn off course. The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement. The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, "Look buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really dont see how I could be causing a noise problem forpedestrians when I am more...

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.
"Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.
"What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client.
"Your right. It's mine."

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.
"Alright," the lawyer says, looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months."
"What? That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client.
"You're right. It's mine."

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule."Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months."What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client."Your right. It's mine."

Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout. Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out. They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would. About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought." Sally replied, "I don't understand! Those matches more...

Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.
Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.
They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.
About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."
Sally replied, "I don't understand! more...