Schools Jokes

My favorite mail today was a long, white business envelope marked "Personal" in red, addressed to "Resident."
Putting the Ten Commandments in public schools would be great, if the kids in public schools could just read.
Putting the Ten Commandments in schools will stop violence just like "Just Say No" stopped drug use.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a self-cleaning refrigerator? We have the next best thing in our house; two teen age boys!
In 10 years there will be radio stations playing classic rap?
My dog wants to know who was the person of questionable intelligence who determined humans would eat three times a day while a dog would only eat once.
Was the weather as bad and as frightening before the invention of Doppler radar?
If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
To all the critics of the Phantom Menace: You have just turned to the dark side of the Force. Guess what? It IS supposed to be a kids movie. Get a more...

You Know You're From Westchester When...
You go to a Dave Matthews Band concert and end up running into people you know from your school.
Half the people in your school mysteriously develop inner-Queens accents during 7th and 8th grade.
Starbucks is a regular stop for you.
You say Abercrombie & Fitch makes you want to puke, yet you sport at least one outfit from the store each week
NYU is your top choice for college.
If you go to Catholic school, you know everyone at all the Catholic schools in Westchester.
If you go to public school you still manage to know everyone at all the Catholic schools in Westchester.
Below 1400 is a "so-so" SAT score
You claim to hate your school, but you go to all the dances and play at least one varsity sport anyway.
Even though your best friend lives a stone's throw away, you have most of your conversations with him/her on AOL or AIM.
You know you have to act tough when going to The Galleria, or else more...

And who says our educational system is in dire straits? I submit these
compilations as testimony to the debate, taken from children, newspapers,
and teachers:
"This paper needs a few comas."
"When papa passed away they burned his ashes and brought them home in a
urinal."
"We sat down to a picnic dinner of fricken chicasee."
"You shake milk in a big stirrer machine to make it homicidal."
"It was so hot during football practice that a lot of kids keeled over from
nervous prostitution. Rusty Banazek broke his clavichord in scrimmage."
"At the Knights of Columbus dinner, they will serve the same fish as last
year."
"Tomorrow Helen Henry visits the home of a retired Navy Captain and his wife,
an exotic U-shaped structure."
"LOST: Male cat. Needs medication. Owner very worried, neutered and declawed."
"Winners at the card party were William more...

Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!

What are pupils at ghost schools called? Ghoulboys and ghoulgirls.