Schoolteacher Jokes / Recent Jokes

The pretty young schoolteacher was concerned about one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Victor, why has your schoolwork been so poor lately?"
"I can't concentrate," replied the lad. "I'm afraid I've fallen in love."
"Is that so?" said the teacher, holding back an urge to smile. "And with whom?" "With you," he answered.
"But Victor," exclaimed the secretly pleased young lady, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday; but I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," said Victor reassuringly. "I'll be careful."

Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess? A: A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit." A schoolteacher says, "We're going to have to do this over and overagain until we get it right." An airline stewardess says, "Just hold this over your mouth and nose, and breathnormally."

In a traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light.

She explained to his honor that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eye.

"You're a schoolteacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a school teacher in this court. Sit down at that table and write,' I went through a red light' 500 times!"

In the traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young woman was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket she received for driving through a red light. She explained to the judge that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes. "You're a schoolteacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Now sit down at that table and write' I will not drive through red lights' 500 times!"

A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench.
"Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court." He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor. "P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The schoolteacher said, O. K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over your butt cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I cant. Teacher asks, why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to pick me up and pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!