Schoolyard Jokes / Recent Jokes
Whenever I say something you say:
ketchup and liquor
What did you have for breakfast?
ketchup and liquor
What did you have for lunch?
ketchup and liquor
What did you have for dinner?
ketchup and liquor
What do you do when you see a woman?
ketchup and liquor (catch up and lick her)
The school my brother's kids go to has the thought police. The kids can't even use euphemisms because if you say "shoot" you're thinking "shit." Of course this is also the emotional police, because now you're really not allowed to have exclamations at all.
Story goes that my then eight year old nephew was playing with some blocks or something and they fell over. He says, "Darn!"
Teacher says, "Don't say' darn'."
Nephew asks, "Can I say' shoot'?"
"No."
"Can I say' heck'?"
"No, you know you can't."
My nephew then paused for a moment and said, "Well, god damn it, what the hell can I say?"
My brother apparently had a really hard time keeping a straight face in the principal's office when he had to come collect the boy...
Q. Why did the kid fall off his bike?
A. Because someone threw a fridge at him.
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That`s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
Q: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
A: Open the door put the elephant in and close the door
Q: How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?
A: Open the door take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door
Q: If there is an animal meeting and every single animal is going to be there except for one, which one would it be?
A: The giraffe, It's still stuck in the Fridge
Q: If you had to get across a swamp and it was full of crocodiles how would you do it?
A: Just swim across, The crocodiles are at the animal meeting.