"Thought Police" joke
The school my brother's kids go to has the thought police. The kids can't even use euphemisms because if you say "shoot" you're thinking "shit." Of course this is also the emotional police, because now you're really not allowed to have exclamations at all.
Story goes that my then eight year old nephew was playing with some blocks or something and they fell over. He says, "Darn!"
Teacher says, "Don't say' darn'."
Nephew asks, "Can I say' shoot'?"
"No."
"Can I say' heck'?"
"No, you know you can't."
My nephew then paused for a moment and said, "Well, god damn it, what the hell can I say?"
My brother apparently had a really hard time keeping a straight face in the principal's office when he had to come collect the boy...
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that." 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.4. Say, more...
Kanjibhai was preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers. Kanjibhai was not very good at English so he asked the printer to help him.
After the printer had presented Kanjibhai with a draft, Kanjibhai quickly pointed out that the " RSVP " was more...