Schoolyard Jokes / Recent Jokes
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her 4th grade class because she realizes little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentinve throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." Very good, William." cooed the teacher "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.
Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. "I was watching TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns."
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" more...
Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said,' 'You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink.
The first man went down yelling,' 'Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.
The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.
The third guy went down the slide yelling' 'wheeeeeeeee!!!'''
A flat-chested woman was delighted when her fairy-god mother said her breasts would increase in size each time a man says, "Pardon" to her.
She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he said, "Pardon me." Her breasts instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic. The next day, she bumped into a man in the grocery store, he begged her pardon and another inch was added to her breasts. She was in seventh heaven!
She walked into a Chinese restaurant, collided with a waiter who bowed and said, "A tousund pardons fo my crumsy behavre."
The next day, the headline in the local newspaper says, "Chinese Waiter Crushed to Death!"
A nurse was going past an old mans room in the nursing home and heard him crying. "What's the matter?" she said.
He said, "My peter died."
She told him she was real busy and would come back later. well she forgot about him and went home. the next day she came to work and saw him walking down the hall with his peter hanging out and swinging. She said, "What in the hell are you doing?"
He said, "My peter died. "
She said, "I know that but what are you doing with it hanging out?"
He said. "Today we are having the viewing."
There was this store that had three baths, a guy comes in and say's "can I use your bathroom?"
The guy who works at the store say's "ok there is three, a wooden one a metal one and a signing one."
The man say's "o.k. I'll go in the wooden one." Later on a nother guy comes in and say's "can I use your bathroom?" The clerk say's "There is a metal one and a signing one." The man say's "I'll go in the medal one." Later on another guy comes in and say's "can I use your bathroom?" The clerk say's "there is a singing one." The man goesae in it. After a long time, the first man comes out and say's "I don't like that one, I got slivers up my butt." The second one comes out and say's "I don't like that one because my butt got stuck." Then the last guy came out and said "I don't like that one because It sang "Do you see what I see?"
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: He was looking for Pooh.
Q: What goes, 99-cluck, 99-clunk, 99-clunk?
A: A centipede with a wooden leg.
Q: Why do Aunts, uncles, and cousins depend on you?
A: Because without U they wouldn't exist!
A classic schoolyard joke where you say rubber buns and liquor after everything I say,
what did u have for breakfast?
rubber buns and liquor
what did u have for lunch?
rubber buns and liquor
what did u have for dinner?
rubber buns and liquor
what are you going to do tonight?
rubber buns and liquor (rub her buns and lick her)