Schoolyard Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are. The first one says:"Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow". The second one says:"Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet". The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says:"You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4: 30 and he is home by 3: 45"!!

One day little Johnny saw a girl at school he told her to come to his house after school. But she said I don't know if that's such a good idea. Johnny said o come on nothing can happen.

When they got there he said "lets go to my room" she then said I don't know if that's a good idea. He said "I want to show you something" she went up and he said get in my bed nude she said "I don't think that's such a good idea" he said "oh come on I wont do anything."

He said "can I put my finger in your belly button" she didn't question because she knew he would get his way. Next thing happened and she said "that's not my belly button" he said "I know and that's not my finger."

One day in school a kid asked his teacher if he could go pee. the teacher said ok, but first say the alphabet.

So he started saying A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S. .. but then the teacher stoped him and asked where did the P go?

He said it is running down my leg.

A little kid goes to a nude beach with his parents. He sees a naked girl and says "Mommy, mommy! That lady has bigger tits than you do!"

So his mom says "The bigger your tits are the dumber you are."

Then the little boy sees a naked guy and says "Mommy, mommy! That man has a bigger dick than daddy!"

So the mom says, "The bigger your dick is the dumber you are."

Then the little boy sees something else. He says, "Mommy, mommy! Daddy is talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and he keeps getting dumber and dumber!"

10 Fucking Limericks

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was a young man from Belgrave,
Who found a dead whore in a cave.
It must have taken pluck,
to have a cold fuck;
But think of the money he saved!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There once was a man from Racine
who'd invented a fucking machine.
Concave or convex,
it fit either sex,
but boy, was it a bitch to keep clean.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was an old man of more...

It was a average day in Bobby's first grade class. Around 11:00 he had to go to the bathroom, so he raised his hand and ask the teacher. The teacher noticed this pattern and asked him a question " Bobby, if you want to go to the restroom, you have to recite the A-B-C's" Bobby being a below average student slowly recited
"a-b-c-d-e-f-g-h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-q-r-s-t-u-v-w-x-y-z"

The teacher noticed that he was missing a letter so the teacher replied "Umm..Bobby, what happen to the p?" Bobby replied "Oh, I'm sorry Ms.Swanson, but its runnung down my leg

knock knock
whos there
knock knock
whos there
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?
knock knock!!
whos there?

(I think you get the picuture...)

This joke really annoys the heck out of people -- I suggest you teach it to your three year old nephew before sending him home. THAT should take care of some old sibling rivalries!

DO NOT teach it to a child at the beginning of a long car or airplane trip.