Schoolyard Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What did the girl melon say to the boy melon??

A: We're too young, we cantaloupe!

One day a boy was going to a fancy dress party, he was going as a cowboy. He had his hat, his vest, his boots and his two guns. On the way to the fancy dress party he decided to get a chocolate sundae with nuts on the top. So he said to the lady behind the counter, "can I please have a chocolate sundae with nuts on the top!!"

The lady behind the counter replied " would you like your nuts crunched" and then the boy drew out his two guns and said "would you like your tits blown off!!"

Little Johnny's father decided it was time for 14-year-old Little Johnny, to learn the facts of life. He takes him to the local house of ill repute, which is fronted by a beauty parlor.

He introduces Little Johnny to the madam, and explains that it's time for his indoctrination to sex. The madam says, "You've been such a good customer over the years, I'm going to see to this personally."

So she takes Little Johnny by the hand and leads him upstairs, where she completes his deflowering. Later, as they are walking downstairs the madam says, "Since this is your first time, I'm going to see that you get the full treatment before you leave. I'm going to give you a manicure."

Two weeks later Little Johnny and his father run into the madam on the main street. Little Johnny is acting a little shy, so the madam smiles and says, "Well, Little Johnny, don't you remember me?"

"Yes, Ma'am, " Little Johnny stammers, more...

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the President.

The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you letter to God which ran as follows:

Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington. As usual, those corrupt politicians deducted $95.00.

FIRST BOY: Did you know that diaorreoa is herreditary?

SECOND BOY?: Really. Hows that?

FIRST BOY: It runs in your genes!!!

How do you tell male pancakes from female pancakes?

"The way they are stacked"

"Three tampons and my mother are leaning against a wall. Which one talks to you?

None of them! They are all STUCK-UP *****"