Schoolyard Jokes / Recent Jokes
One night, a group of gay men were playing truth or dare. One man is dared to walk down to the mini market naked and buy condoms and candy. The man goes to the store and buys the condom and candy, barely able to stop thinking about how he will use the condoms when he got back to the house, but on the way back he sees three nuns approaching. The man jumped into a bush, but he fails to conceal his erection.
One of the nuns sees his penis, and says. "oh, look! a slot machine. ill go first". so the nun yanks down on the mans penis and waits to see if she one. The man is pushed against a prickly bush, and drops the condom.
"oh, look! i got a bendable thimble! now i won't poke myself when i sew."
"oh, i wonder what i will get?" she pulls on the "handle", and out falls the candy.
The third nun yanks on the handle, hoping for something good, and shouts out: "i got hand lotion!"
Knock knock
Who's there
Wannap
Wannap Who
Well go the bloody toilet then
One day two teenagers decided to have sex. So they went to the guys house. He shared a bunk bed with his brother -- being the older, he slept on the top bunk.
The guy said, "If you want it harder say lettuce, if you want a knew position say tomatoes." So they went on with lettuce, tomatoes, lettuce, tomatoes.
The little brother woke up and said, "Would you guys stop making sandwiches? You're dripping mayonnaise on me!"
BONUS DIRTY JOKE:
Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
A: Burger King Forgot to wrap his Whopper.
One day a little girl was watching cartoons when a porno came through. The little girl asked her mom "What are they doing?" The girls mom said "baking a cake."
Then the next day they were walking in the park and there were these people making out and the girl said "look mommy they are baking a cake!"
The next day the girl says "mommy you and daddy were baking a cake last night."
Her mom replied "how did you know?" The girl said "because I licked the icing off the sofa!"
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Editor's note: Hey, I just post them...
A rich man was bored one day so he decided to take a stroll in the woods behind his house. He was walking along when he stumbled apon a little cottage with very fogged up windows.
This rich man had lived his entire life alone and being the curious one, he decided to rub the windows with his hand and see what was inside. What he found was a beautiful lady that had just come out of the shower in the corner of this one room cottage.
Knock, Knock, Knock. "Who is it?" the beautiful woman asked.
"It is I. A rich man." the man answered.
Figuring that only good can come out of the presence of a rich man for her, she opened the door.
"Oh beautiful woman, I'm lonley and curious. I have never seen another woman other than my mom. For a small fee, can you amuse me?"
"Sure." she replied. She could definatly use the money.
"I will pay you 1 million bucks if you will open the top more...
Your mamma is so fat the only way she can fit throw the door is saying I got the power
Yo Mama so dump she looked at an orange juice box for 2 hrs. just because it said CONCENTRATE
Yo Mama so fat she just fat
Yo Mama so ugly hell started to cry
Yo Mama so fat Jupiter got jealous
Yo Mama so fat she got hit by a parked car
Yo Mama so desperate she told me that she would give me a blow job for a quarter.
Yo Mama so dump she went to the SUPER BOWL with a spoon.
Yo Mama so horny she's on the fence sayin' here kitty kitty.
Yo Mama so ugly she too ugly.
Yo Mama so dump she went to the salon for a facial.