Scientist Jokes / Recent Jokes

A scientist is researching storms, so he goes out to find one. He takes his blonde assistant to help him find one. They drive for miles until they come to some plains.
They stop the car and the scientist tells the blonde to look out for tornados. After a few minutes, a cow flies past due to strong winds and the blonde says,
"Look! A flying cow!"
The scientist writes this down on his notepad but as he does, the car gets swept away by a tornado.
The car lands in a ditch after the tornado had gone. The scientist got out and shouted at the blonde,
"I thought you were looking out for tornados!"
"I was, but after I saw the cow, I was looking for the dish running away with the spoon."

A scientist was successful in cloning himself, and was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.
"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone jumped up and shouted, "he's a *&^^%*@)&!".
Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists,". Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "this dumb *%@(&+*! couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent *$3%$#*#+=!".
Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.
The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and the events that had transpired were explained to them. The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you."
The scientist replied, "For what? You can't arrest me for more...

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this, let's say we have a man making contest."
To which the scientist replied, "OK, great!"
But God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."
The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!"

Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: 'I reckon he's an accountant. '
James: ‘No way - he's a stockbroker. '
Chris: ‘He's no stockbroker. A stockbroker wouldn't come in here. '
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet, he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Chris: ' 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and my mate were wondering what you do for a living.'
Suit: ‘No offence taken. I'm a logical scientist by profession. '
Chris: 'Yeah, so what's that then. '
Suit: 'I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home?'
Chris: 'Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens. '
Suit: more...

Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: 'I reckon he's an accountant. '
James: ‘No way - he's a stockbroker. '
Chris: ‘He's no stockbroker. A stockbroker wouldn't come in here. '
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet, he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Chris: ' 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and my mate were wondering what you do for a living.'
Suit: ‘No offence taken. I'm a logical scientist by profession. '
Chris: 'Yeah, so what's that then. '
Suit: 'I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home?'
Chris: 'Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens. '
Suit: more...

Guess the following movie quotes. All movies were released between the years 1980 and 1989. Comedies, dramas, action, etc. Some are quite simple, and others are more difficult.

There are 37 items, followed by the answers at the bottom, so you may wish to save reading this for a less hectic portion of your day.

1) Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

2) We're on a mission from God.

3) People on' ludes should not drive.

4) This house is clean.

5) Shall we play a game?

6) Terrific!! I've got a trig mid-term tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

7) Back off man, I'm a scientist.

8) That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.

9) I know a little German. He's sitting over there.

10) Can I borrow your towel, my car just hit a water buffalo.

11) Excuse me, Dick, I mean Rich, will milk be more...

A genetic scientist managed to create dolphins that would live to 250 years of age - if they were fed seagulls.
One day the scientist's supply of gulls ran out, so he went out to trap some more. On the way back, he came upon two sleeping lions. Not wanting to wake the big cats, he gingerly stepped over them and was promptly arrested for...
Transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises!