Score Jokes / Recent Jokes

Rumors have been circulating regarding what the troopers were shouting after they found the man hiding Elian Gonzalez in a closet during the raid of the house that was illegally holding him.Some people claim they were shouting,"Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!" Others claim it was "Score! Score! Score!"But the real truth is, when the trooper ripped open the closet door and was brought face to face with the fisherman holding Elian, he shouted, "Drop the chalupa!"

A gynecologist decides to quit his job to fufill his life long dream of becoming a mechanic. He decides to take mechanic courses and he does so for a couple of months up until he must take the test. The test consists of taking apart a car's engine and putting it together perfectly for a score of 200.

He does his test and feels confident that he did well.

A week later he receives a call,

"This is your regarding your test," The man on the phone says.

"Yes, how did I do?"

"You got 400 over 200"

"400 over 200? how did I get that?"

"You got 100 for taking the motor apart perfectly."

"Ok"

"You got 100 for putting it together perfectly."

"So I got a perfect score? How did I get the other extra 200?"

The man hesitates and answers, "That's for doing it all through the muffler!"

This is an invaluable tool for grading the Redneck experience in immigrants and visitors from the North. This test really can't be cheated on... either you know it or you don't. One Yankee only mustered a 2 or 3, whereas rednecks typically score around 20+.
How many Vienna Sausages are in a can?
What was the number and color of Richard Petty's cars?
Bill Dance is good at what?
What university does Bill Dance root for?
Where did Herschel Walker play (college) football?
After boiling peanuts for an hour you have what?
In cubic inches, how big is the smallest 1966 GM small-block V8?
A Cajun is likely to speak what furrin' language?
What is a chigger?
What is scrapple?
Where is "The Redneck Riviera"?
What's that fuzzy stuff hanging off the oak trees?
What follows logically? Johnson, Mercury, _______________.
What's the common name for a bowfin?
If you mated a heifer and a steer, what would you get?
Who sang more...

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.
"Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator."Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"

As part of a seminar I recently attended on stress in the workplace,
I was given a packet which included a family stress test. Our family found
that all of the questions fell into what we considered the "wuss" category,
and generated our own family stress test:
Score 0 if the statement is never true, 1 if it is rarely true, 2 if
it is sometimes true, and 3 if it is always true.
1. ____ Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can
talk."
2. ____ The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
3. ____ The cat is on Valium.
4. ____ People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to
speak through clenched teeth.
5. ____ You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.
6. ____ The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number
of people in the family.
7. ____ No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
8. ____ "Family more...

As part of a seminar I recently attended on stress in the workplace, I was given a packet which included a family stress test. Our family found that all of the questions fell into what we considered the "wuss" category, and generated our own family stress test:
Score 0 if the statement is never true, 1 if it is rarely true, 2 if it is sometimes true, and 3 if it is always true.
____ Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
____ The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
____ The cat is on Valium.
____ People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
____ You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.
____ The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
____ No one has _time_ to wait for microwave TV dinners.
____ "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement more...