Scot Jokes / Recent Jokes
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. " Well, " said the American, " I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to the earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the more...
An Englishman, roused by a Scot's scorn of his race, protested that he was born an Englishman and hoped to die an Englishman.
"Man," scoffed the Scot, "hiv ye nae ambeetion?"
There was a englishman, an scot and an irish man.
They were in the middle of the desert when their jeep broke down and they all decided to take one piece of the jeep each and so the englishman took the roof: the scot took the seat and the irishman took the door.
When they reach a village they reached a village they all told each other why they had brough each piece of the car, the englishman said he had brought the roof for shelter, the scot said that he had brought the seat to sit on when he was tried and the irishman said he had brought the door so ha could wind down the window when it got hot.
Three men, an Scot, an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted ”God save Scotland! ”
The English man jumped off and shouted ”God Save England! ”
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted ”God save the person who I land on! ”