Scotch Jokes / Recent Jokes

THREE righteous men - a Hindu, a Muslim and a Sikh happened to die suddenly and were presented before Dharamraj. Dharamraj was apologetic for having ended their lives abruptly. To make amends he offered to grant them whatever they had missed in life for one year before he consigned them to heaven or hell.
The Hindu spoke first:' Sire, I have been a strict vegetarian all my life. I would like to eat meat to my heart's content.'
'It shall be so/ replied Dharamraj and ordered his servants to feed him for a year with tandoori chicken, kababs and whatever other meat delicacies he wished.
Came the turn of the Muslim:' Sire, as a good Mussalman, I never tasted liquor. Please give me the best kind of wines and liquors for a year/
'It shall be so,' replied Dharamraj and ordered his servants to supply the man with vintage wines, premium Scotch and liquors for a year.
'And you Sardar Sahib, what would you like?'
'Sire, as a good Sikh I was forbidden to smoke. I more...

guy comes into a bar and asks the bartender for twelve-year-old scotch. The bartender thinks "This guy is pretty pretentious" and proceeds to pour him a drink of six-year-old scotch. He gives it to the customer who takes a drink, exclaiming, "This isn't twelve-year-old scotch, this is six-year-old scotch" The bartender thinks, hey this guy knows what he's talking about, and the two of them get into a conversation about where the customer is from etc..
At one point an old guy, who was sitting at the other end of the bar comes over with a glass and hands it to the customer. The latter takes a drink, and spits it out. "This is piss!" he yells. The old guy nods and says, "Yeah, but how old am I?"

Angus McClod walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of forty-year old Scotch. The bartender, not wanting to go down to the basement and deplete his supply of the rare and expensive liquor, pours a shot of ten-year Scotch and figures that his customer won't be able to tell the difference. Angus downs the Scotch and says: "My good man, that Scotch is only ten years old. I specifically asked for forty-year old Scotch."
Amazed, the bartender reaches into a locked cabinet underneath the bar and pulls out a bottle of twenty-year old Scotch and pours the man a shot.
The customer drinks it down and says, "That was twenty-year old Scotch. I asked for forty-year old Scotch."
So the bartender goes into the back room and brings out a bottle of thirty-year old Scotch and pours the customer a drink. By now a small crowd has gathered around the man and is watching anxiously as he downs the latest drink.
Once again Angus states the true age of the Scotch and more...

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12 year old scotch. The bartender, thinking the guy doesn't know the difference, pours him a shot of 2 year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He quickly yells at the bartender, "Hey, bozo, I said 12 year old scotch!"
Still unimpressed, the bartender pours a shot of 6 year old scotch. The patron takes a sip and spits it out too.
Still not believing the patron really knows the difference, the bartender pours a shot of 10 year old scotch. Again, he gets the same reaction from the patron.
Finally convinced, the bartender pours him a shot of 12 year old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is very satisfied.
While all of this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says, ""Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges and immediately spits it out.
"That tastes like more...

The bartender asks him "What'll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars", to which he replies "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this". A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which consitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration". The bartender's not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again". The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the hell are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!". The guy says "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life", to which the bartender replies "I'm nvery sorry, but this is uncanny. more...

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip...same reaction.
But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.
Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.
He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:
"Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out.
"That tastes like more...

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference."
The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 12-year scotch."
The bartender tries once more with 8-year scotch. The man takes a sip, grimaces and says, "Bartender, I don't want 8-year scotch like this filth. Give me 12-year scotch!"
Impressed, the bartender gets the 12-year scotch, the man takes a sip and sighs, "Ah, now that's the real thing."
A disgusting, grimy, stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and says, "Hey, I think that's really far out what you can do. Try this one."
The man takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, more...