Scott Jokes / Recent Jokes

“How was your golf game, dear? ” asked Jack’s wife Tracy.
“Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad, I couldn’t see where the ball went. ”
“You’re seventy-five years old, Jack! ” admonished his wife. “Why don’t you take my brother Scott along? ”
“But he’s eighty-five and doesn’t even play golf anymore, ” protested Jack.
“Yes, but he’s got perfect eyesight and can watch your ball for you, ” Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. “Did you see where it went? ” asked Jack.
“Yup, ” Scott answered.
“Well, where is it? ” yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
“I forgot. ”

Two buddies were talking about a big date Scott had the previous night.
"So, Scott, how did it go last night?" John asked.
"It was terrible," Scott grumbled. "From the moment we got back to her place, the phone started ringing. There had to have been no less than twenty calls from guys wanting to take her out. It was non-stop and we never got started."
Trying to comfort him, John replied, "I'm sure it could have been worse, Scott. Look at it this way, a young, attractive woman is allowed to have her phone number in the phone book, isn't she?"
"Yeah, of course, John," Scott said, "but in the Yellow Pages?!?"

Fred, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.

After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim and Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."

At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing.

At the 51st floor, Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.

"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"

Two older, suburban, homosexual gentlemen had been living together for a couple of years, and were getting quite bored with their lives. They were looking at little knickknacks at a garage sale in the Castro, when one of them (Scott) stumbled upon what appeared to be a rare find.
"Look Jim, I just found the most fabulous... pot, or, I don't know what it is! It is It's pretty filthy, but I bet it would look great in our living room!"
Jim agreed, and they purchased the object. Apparently, the holder of the sale had no idea just how valuable a thing he had on his hands, because he sold it for $10.
Later that night, Scott decides he wants to dust off this old thing. To his surprise, what he thought was an old piece of pottery was in fact made of what appeared to be gold!
"Honey, come here!" he yelled.
Jim came running, and Scott continued to polish, until POOF!- A huge creature appears in their living room! Both men scream.
"Do not be more...

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad, I couldn't see where the ball went."
"You're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife. "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"Yes, but he's got perfect eyesight and can watch your ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Did you see where it went?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot."

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went."
"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack. "But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "I forgot."

Chad nervously approached his girlfriend's father and said "Excuse me, Mr. Scott, but there was something I wanted to ask you."

"Well, of course, young man!" the proud father replied. "You have my full blessing. My daughter's happiness is all I want."

"Blessing, sir?" Chad stammered.

"Yes, of course. You want to marry my daughter, right?" Mr. Scott said.

"Uh, no sir, that's not it." said Chad. "Actually, my car payment is due, and I'm a little short until payday, and I wanted to know if I could borrow fifty dollars until Friday."

"Heck no!" yelled Mr. Scott. "I hardly know you."