Eyesight Jokes

A middle-aged woman looks in the mirror.
"God, I look old, fat and ugly," she says to her hubby. "Pay me a compliment, dear."
Her hubby says, "Your fucking eyesight's good!"

"Yes," said Sam, "I saw him plainly take the goods."
The lawyer asked Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"
"Yes" said Sam, "I saw him do it."
Then the lawyer said, "Sam, listen, you are 80 years oldand your eyesight is probably pretty bad. Just how far can you see at night?"
Sam quickly replied, "I can see the moon, how far is that?"

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went."
"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on.
Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot."

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Maurie's wife, Martha.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight has gotten so bad that I couldn't see where the ball went."
"But you're seventy-five years old, Maurie!" admonished his wife. "Why don't you take my brother Enzio along?"
"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Maurie.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," Martha pointed out.
The next day, Maurie teed off with Enzio looking on. Maurie swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Maurie. "Yup," Enzio answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Maurie, peering off into the distance. After a brief pause, Enzio replied, "I forgot."

Picasso's mistress was losing her eyesight so he took her to an opthomologist in Paris. Upon examination, the doctor reported that nothing could be done and she would soon become blind. Picasso then sought out the best eye doctor in all of France, but got the same prognosis. He even took her to the best doctor in all of Europe, to no avail.He then decided to take her for a trip around the world so that she could see the sights before totally losing eyesight. They were in San Francisco when they saw a sign reading "Sam Smith-Eye Doctor, Free Consultation". Picasso figured that it couldn't do any harm to try this doctor as she was going to be blind anyway.After a thorough examination, Dr. Smith reported that when he did an operation in cases like hers that it would cure her. Picasso agreed to have the operation performed.After the operation and a few weeks of recovery, the doctor removed the bandages, and what do you know, she could see 20/20. Picasso was overjoyed and said, more...