"Good eyesight" joke

A middle-aged woman looks in the mirror.
"God, I look old, fat and ugly," she says to her hubby. "Pay me a compliment, dear."
Her hubby says, "Your fucking eyesight's good!"

My mate Dave is serving a life sentence for something he didn't do.
He didn't wipe his fingerprints off the knife.

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Why aren't chick's farts nearly as loud as men's?
Because they don't stop talking long enough to build up any back pressure.

How is a woman like a cop car?
They both make lots of noise to let you know they are coming.

What did Adam say when he more...

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A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

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What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.

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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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