Scream Jokes / Recent Jokes

A copywriter dies, and Saint Peter offers him a choice of Heaven or Hell. The writer asks to see both. Leading him to a doorway, Saint Peter says: "Here in Hell, we have a room just for copywriters." Inside, the writer sees row upon row of faceless hacks, all scribbling frantically as giant red devils lay into them with heavy whips. "The meeting's in five minutes! The meeting's in five minutes" the devils scream. "Uh. .. better show me Heaven," the writer says. So up they go. "Here in Heaven, we have a room for copywriters too," Saint Peter says. Peering into the second room, the writer again sees row upon row of faceless hacks, all scribbling frantically as giant red devils lay into them with heavy whips. "The meeting's in five minutes! The meeting's in five minutes" the devils scream. The copywriter protests, "But I thought you said this was Heaven!" St. Peter says, "Well, up Here, the work gets produced."

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about. The bartender yells, "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!" The drunk responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls." The bartender opens the door and looks in. You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!

Late last week, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping
done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season
right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my
car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy. I noticed that I was missing a
receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath, I retraced my
steps to the shopping centre entrance.
As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet
sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old.
He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel
shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill.
Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred pound note in his hand. Thinking that he
had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad
story. He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and more...

This man could not get his daughter to scream. She would not even scream when she was mad. So a man put a poster outside of his house that said, "If you can make my daughter scream you will get $5,000!" A white man, a black man, and a chianeese man went to the house and took a shot at it.The white man went in, and the father heard no scream. The black man went in, and the father heard no scream again. So the chianeese man went in, and the father heard the loudest scream he had ever heard. The fater said, "My daughter never screams. How did you make her scream?" The chianeese man said, "Me chianeese me play trick me put hot sauce on my dick"

Three guys were challenged by a girl who said, "Whoever can make me scream the most gets $100. The white guy goes in and comes back out in a half hour and says, "Damn! I just couldn't make her scream." The black guy goes in for an hour but comes out saying, "Man, it is just not possible!" Finally the Chinese guy goes in with a smile on his face. He returns after 10 minutes and forty screams. Both the other guys say, "How in Hell did you do that?" "Me play old trick," he says, "put hot sauce on my poker!

A couple of days ago, I was rushing around attempting to do some last minute shopping. At the time, I was very stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season at all.
It was dark, cold and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car with the gifts I felt obligated to buy. It was then that I noticed I was missing a receipt that I might need later. Grumbling under my breath, I headed back to the mall entrance.
As I searched the pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. Upon investigating, I found that the crying was coming from a shabbily dressed boy of about 12 years old. He was short and thin, had no coat, and was only wearing an old, tattered flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill. Strangely enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand.
Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and more...

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret more...