Scream Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream the runway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back
Up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "get the plane up, the runaway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air.. They make a big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again... During their fourth descent the pilot says: "look at those stupid americans, they build this huge expensive airport but with such a short runaway..", "i know" answers the second pilot, "but look how
Wide they made it...."

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe’s first time ever hunting, so he was following Bob’s lead. Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet! After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened. Joe said "There was this snake and he slittered across my feet, but I never screamed. Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed." "So then what did make you scream," Bob asked, exasperated. "Well," Joe continued, "two squirells crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, "Should we take them home or eat ’em now?" "

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream
"MY PACEMAKER!"
3. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
4. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student
and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
5. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a
question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't
hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
6. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them
your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr.
Smartypants?"
7. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses
with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering
"tsk, tsk".
8. Ask students to call you more...

A drunk is sitting at the bar and asks the bartender where the bathroom is. "Down the hall and make a left," the bartender tells him.
The drunk heads to bathroom. A few minutes later, everyone at the bar hears a loud scream and wonders what's going on in the bathroom. A few more minutes go by and everyone at the bar hears another loud scream that seems to be coming from the bathroom.
This time, the bartender decides he'd better go to the bathroom and investigate what the drunk is screaming about.
He opens the door and asks the drunk, "What is all the screaming about. You're scaring all my customers away. What's going on?"
"Hey, it's not my fault," mumbles the drunk. "I'm sitting on the toilet and every time I go to flush it, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls!"
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "No wonder, you fool, you're sitting on a mop bucket!"

This guy is sitting in a bar drunk, he asks the bartender where the bathroom is.

The bartender said, go down the hall & make a right. Well, all of a sudden, everybody at the bar hears this loud scream and wonders what is going on in the bathroom.

A few minutes go by again and everybody at the bar hears another loud scream that came out of the bathroom again.

This time the bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about. He opened the door and asked the drunk, "What's all the screaming about in here? You are scaring all my customers away."

The drunk said, "I'm sitting on the toilet and every time I go to flush it, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."

With that, the bartender opens up the door and looks in and says, "No wonder, you're sitting on a mop bucket!!

As you are receiving e-mail, it's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally and with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

Hearing the scream, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the more...