Scream Jokes / Recent Jokes
Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You're going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn't leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? I never left you to go out with anybody except your father. There are lots of things that you did and I don't. What are you hinting at? Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight. You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out? My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone! So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place? He's not a loser. A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite. I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? Poor children with such a mother. Such as what? With no stability. No more...
Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet its other100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex. So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream. The next day the meet. The Italian says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours."The German says, "Thats nothing, I start licking mywife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that."The Greek says, " Thats nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."
In Nanjing, China they just opened a bar where customers are allowed to smash glasses and punch and scream at each other.
In America we've had them for over a century. We call them: any Irish pub.
Three guys were challenged by a girl who said, "Whoever can make me scream the most gets $100.
The white guy goes in and comes back out in a half hour and says, "Damn! I just couldn't make her scream."
The black guy goes in for an hour but comes out saying, "Man, it is just not possible!"
Finally the Chinese guy goes in with a smile on his face. He returns after 10 minutes and forty screams.
Both the other guys say, "How in Hell did you do that?"
"Me play old trick," he says, "put hot sauce on my poker!
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream 'MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!' 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles. 7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable. 8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King.. 9. ..but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're 'astronaut food'. 10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from 'Dianetics.' 11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I. 12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, 'You mean you really can't more...
1. Eat nothing but gas-inducing foods the entire trip, not hesitating to 'share the wealth' with everyone on board. Recommended foods are chilli, burritos, McDonalds, any eggs, Kentuky Fried Chicken (stay near the toilet if you want the KFC).
2. Repeat #1, only engage in a 'cuppy war' with the bus driver. (For those that do not know what a 'cuppy' is, it involves making a cup with your hand, farting in it and slipping it directly into the face of some unsuspecting friend.)
3. Every time the bus wobbles from the wind caused by passing transports, jump up and scream "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
4. Incessantly complain that it is way too cold in the bus, no matter what the temperature is, keep doing it until the bus driver turns the heat up to full blast just to shut you up, then wait a few minutes for it to get really hot and start to complain about it.
5. Two words: Water Pistol
6. Two more words: Paper Airplanes
7. Make racing car noises constantly, more...