Scream Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two people go hunting.One shoots a bow arrow in a deer.He says,"Sit down and wait here and don't make a sound".So he leaves. The other man does not make a sound. So the other man findsthe deer but then he hears a scream. He runs to the man sitting down. he says "Why did you scream"? The other man says" I did not scream when a snake bit me butI did scream when two chipmanks ran up my pantlag and said"Should we eat them here or take them home".

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about. The bartender yells, "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!" The drunk responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls." The bartender opens the door and looks in. You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream, "MY PACEMAKER!"
4. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream, "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
7. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time more...

Two men were hunting in the woods.One man tuned to the other and said "Wait here and if anything happens scream."
As the man walked out of the woods he heard his friend scream.So he ran back as fast as he could.
When he got to his friend he asked him what was wrong. His friend answered "Well first a deer thretened to buck me, but I didn't scream, then a bear thretened to claw mu face in, but I didn't scream, then two chipmunks ran up my pants leg and asked 'which nut shall we eat first?' Then I screamed!"

A white guy, a Chinese guy, and a Hispanic guy are breaking out of jail. They get all the way to the top of a hill, and at the bottom there is a barbed wired fence. The white guy says,' O. k. whatever happens when you hit the ground DON'T SCREAM!' The white guy goes first, he breaks a leg, doesn't scream. The Chinese guy goes he breaks a arm, doesn't scream. Then the Hispanic guy goes, and screams his head off! The other two ask him why he screamed so he points at the fence and says,' Looky, looky, balls on hooky.'