Screaming Jokes / Recent Jokes

Keep this in mind when you have something to return and the store gives you a hard way to go! Should be fun.
A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming,
"PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager
in front a growing crowd of customers.
The manager goes to the woman and asks,
"Ma'am what's wrong?"
She explained the problem with the toaster, and he tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air
and starts screaming
"PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!"
And doing more...

The Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and the Sri Lankan president died and went to hell.
The Queen Elizabeth said: I miss England, I wanna call England and see how everybody is doing there.... she called and talked for about 5 minutes... then she said: well, devil how much do I owe you????
The devil goes: five million dollars... five million dollars!!! she made him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair....
Bill Clinton was so jealous, he starts screaming, me too I wanna call the united states, I wanna see how everybody is doing too... he called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he said: well, devil how much do I owe you????
The devil goes: ten million dollars..... ten million dollars!!!! he made him a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.....
The Sri Lankan president was extremely jealous too... he starts
screaming and screaming,, I wanna call Sri Lanka too, I wanna see how everybody is doing there too, I wanna talk to the ministers, to the more...

This yuppie had just gotten his first BMW and wanted to show
it off to his friends. So he goes motoring up Broadway, and parks at
his friends apartment. He was so excited that he forgot to look when
he opened the door. Just then, a taxi comes screaming up and neatly
removes the door from the car, along with the guy's left arm.
The guy jumps out of his car and starts screaming, "My BMW, my
BMW!" The taxi driver comes running up, and says, "Listen, you're in
shock, your arm was taken off and you're losing a lot of blood."
The yuppie just notices that his arm was ripped off and starts
to yell, "My Rolex, my Rolex!!"
Raymond C.Caron (The Lizard)

1st man: "My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o'clock this morning!"
2nd man: "Did they wake you?"
1st man: "Nah....I was up playing my bagpipes."

A woman dies and goes to heaven. As St. Peter is processing her, she hears a woman screaming in pain. She looks in the room and sees them drilling holes in the woman's shoulders to fasten the wings. Then she hears a man screaming and sees them drilling holes in his head to fasten the halo.
"I do not want to go to heaven", she tells St. Peter. "I'll go to the other place."
"You don't want to go there", he replies. "They rape and sodomize you down there."
"I don't care", she answers. "At least I already have holes for that."

This joke involves an elephant who is walking through the jungle. And all of a sudden he falls into a pit and is stuck there. The elephant is stuck in this pit and realizes that he is going to die, so naturally he start to scream. By chance a chicken hears the screaming of the elephant and decides to investigate. He sees the elephant stuck in the pit and shouts to the elephant: "Don't worry, I am going to save you". The chicken then calls on the King of the Jungle. The King of the Jungle promptly arrives in his Red Porsche. He throws a rope from the Porsche into the pit, the elephant ties it around himself and the King of the Jungle pulls him out of the pit. The elephant is saved (loud applause). So grateful is the elephant to the chicken that he promises him that he will one day do the same for him (if the chicken should ever be in mortal danger). As chance would have it, the next week the elephant is walking thru' the jungle and hears the screaming of a chicken. He wanders more...

Three explorers are captured by a tribe in the Amazon jungle. The chief is going to punish the intruders. He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the explorer doesn't want to die, so he opts for booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. the cheif then rips the explorers pants off and fucks him in the ass.
The cheif calls the second explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well not wanting to die either, he opts for booka. The tribe again starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. The cheif rips the second guys pants off and fucks him in the ass.
The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of tribesman, so he opts for death. The chief turns to the tribe and screams "DEATH BY BOOKA!"