Screaming Jokes / Recent Jokes

5 boys are walking by a "haunted" house"
One of the five boys said, "I bet I could go in there for more than five minutes."
A couple minutes later, he comes out screaming "GHOST!"
The second boy decides to try to go in for more than ten minutes.
He comes out screaming after four minutes, "HE WASN'T LYING! GHOST!"
The third and fourth boy go in together and try to stay in for more than an hour. They come out screaming the same thing.
The last boy walks and says he can stay in there a whole day.
Once he walked in, the other boys heard him say, "Hi Grandma."

She goes into Wal-Mart and tells the clerk she wants
a refund for the toaster she bought because it doesn't
work.
The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund
because she bought it on special.
All of a sudden, the woman throws her arms up in
the air and starts screaming!
"GRAB MY BREASTS! GRAB MY BREASTS!
The clerk, not knowing what to do, runs to get the
store manager. The manager comes up to the Woman and
asks, "What's wrong?"!
She explains the situation with the toaster.
He tells her that he can't give her a refund because
she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air
and starts screaming,
"GRAB MY BREASTS! GRAB MY BREASTS!"
In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am,
why are saying you that?"
In a huff, the woman says,
"BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY BREASTS GRABBED
WHEN I'M GETTING SCREWED!

Ways to Torture Your Roommate at Christmas
Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloddy murder and thrash on the floor.
Go to the mall with your roomate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get off.
Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.
Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, ''Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town...''
Hang mistle-toe in the doorway. When your roomate enters or leaves the room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.
Hang a stocking with your roomates name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. If s/he asks, say ''you've been very naughty this year.''
Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in on the reindeer games.
Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (I.E. ''You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistle-toe last night.'')
Wrap more...

This joke involves an elephant who is walking through the jungle. And all of a sudden he falls into a pit and is stuck there. The elephant is stuck in this pit and realizes that he is going to die, so naturally he start to scream.
By chance a chicken hears the screaming of the elephant and decides to investigate. He sees the elephant stuck in the pit and shouts to the elephant: "Don't worry, I am going to save you".
The chicken then calls on the King of the Jungle. The King of the Jungle promptly arrives in his Red Porsche. He throws a rope from the Porsche into the pit, the elephant ties it around himself and the King of the Jungle pulls him out of the pit. The elephant is saved (loud applause).
So grateful is the elephant to the chicken that he promises him that he will one day do the same for him (if the chicken should ever be in mortal danger). As chance would have it, the next week the elephant is walking thru' the jungle and hears the screaming of a more...

This joke involves an elephant who is walking through the jungle. And all of a sudden he falls into a pit and is stuck there. The elephant is stuck in this pit and realizes that he is going to die, so naturally he start to scream.By chance a chicken hears the screaming of the elephant and decides to investigate. He sees the elephant stuck in the pit and shouts to the elephant: "Don't worry, I am going to save you".The chicken then calls on the King of the Jungle. The King of the Jungle promptly arrives in his Red Porsche. He throws a rope from the Porsche into the pit, the elephant ties it around himself and the King of the Jungle pulls him out of the pit. The elephant is saved (loud applause).So grateful is the elephant to the chicken that he promises him that he will one day do the same for him (if the chicken should ever be in mortal danger). As chance would have it, the next week the elephant is walking thru' the jungle and hears the screaming of a chicken. He wanders more...

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Queen Elizabeth, Bush and Chandrika all died and went to hell.
Queen Elizabeth said: "I miss England, I would be pleased to phone England and see how everybody is doing there"
So she called and talked for about 5 minutes.
Then she asked:
"Well devil, how much do I owe you?"
The devil: "A million pounds".
"A million pounds!!!????" & she made him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.
Bush was so jealous, he starts screaming, "Me too, I wanna Phone the USA, I wanna see how everybody is doing too. So He called and talked for about 2 minutes,
Then he asked:
"Well, devil how much do I owe you?"
The devil: "Two million dollars".
"Two million dollars!!!!!!???" & he Made him a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.
Chandrika was extremely jealous too. She starts screaming and screaming "I also want to phone Srilanka! I want to see how everybody is more...