Screams Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once Upon A Time There Was An Archery Contest.

The First Archer, Wearing A Long Cape Covering His Face, Lines Up In Position...

He Takes A Deep Breath And Fires An Arrow, Which Finds The Center Of The Target.

Then He Takes Of His Cape And Screams: I Am...... Robin Hood! !! The Crowd Cheers!

The Second Archer With A Cape Lines Up In Position.

He Fires His Arrow, Which Hits The Center And Cuts Robin Hood's Arrow Into Two! !!

He Takes Off His Cape And Screams: I Am...... William Tell! !!!!! The Crowd Cheers! !

Finally Our Santa In Cape Lines Up In Position... He Fires His Arrow But It Goes All Wrong!

It Flies Past The Crowd And Kills The King! !! Then The Man Takes Off His Cape And Screams: I Am...... Sorry!

While driving through Transylvania, Sister Marie and Sister Kay stop for a red light. Out of nowhere, Dracula jumps onto the hood of their car and begins hissing through the windshield.
"Quick, Sister Marie," yells Sister Kay, "what are we going to do?"
"Turn the wipers on. That will rid us of the abomination," replies Sister Marie.
Sister Kay turns the wipes on, but Dracula hangs on and continues hissing at them. "Oh no, what are we going to do now?" she screams.
"Use the windshied washer. While we were at the Vatican, I filled it with Holy water," says Sister Marie.
Sister Kay uses the windshield washer, but although Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, he continues to hang on and hiss at them. "Now what?" screams Sister Kay.
"Show him your cross," Sister Marie says.
"Good thinking," says Sister Kay as she opens the window and yells "Get the fuck off our damn more...

A young Redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible", says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No, " she says, " I'm actually a Blonde."
"I thought so, the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run.... Run!"
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"

The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!"

All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."

After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"

Once upon a time there was an archery contest.
The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position...
He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.
Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM...... ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!
The second archer with a cape lines up in position.
He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood`s arrow into two!!!
He takes off his cape and screams: I AM...... WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!
Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position... He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!
It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams: I AM...... SORRY!

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders ahamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it inhis bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill. The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've everseen!"The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in themorning when he makes the doughnuts!"and orders ahamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it inhis bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill. The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've everseen!"The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in themorning when he makes the doughnuts!"

Once upon a time there was an archery contest.
The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position...
He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.
Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM... ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!
The second archer with a cape lines up in position.
He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood's arrow into two!!!
He takes off his cape and screams: I AM... WILLIAM TELL!!! The crowd cheers!!
Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position... He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!
It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams: I AM... SORRY!