Screw Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many roadies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 2. One to try to hammer it in with a microphone, and another to find a cable to plug that microphone in.
Q: How many union members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: If we do screw in that light bulb, it'll be a 4 hour minimum on the payroll.
Q: How many sound techs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. That's the light guy's job.
Q: How many lighting techs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: IT'S A LAMP!
A well known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of $
5000.
The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things:
1 screw $1 Knowing how to put it in $4999 $5000 total
The businessman never argued.
A well known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of $5000.The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things:1 screw $1 Knowing how to put it in $4999 $5000 totalThe businessman never argued.
Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW. SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new more...
A well known, rich business man's wife broke her hip. The business man got the best orthopedic surgeon in town to do the operation, which consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it.The operation went smoothly, and the doctor sent the business man a bill for $5,000 for his services. The business man, outraged at the high price, sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor responded to the letter with the following:1 Screw: $1.00Knowing how to put it in: $4,999Total: $5,000The business man never argued.
Did you hear about the guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt
to lose weight? He tries the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers,
etc. And none worked. He was reading the paper one day when he noticed a small
ad which read: Lose weight $1.00 a pound. And it simply listed a telephone
number.
Having little to lose the man called the number. A voice on the other end asked,
'How much weight do you want to lose?' to which the man responded, 'Ten pounds.'
The voice replied, 'Very well, put your check in the mail and we'll have a
representative over to your house in the morning.'
About 9:00 the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. Here stands a
beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck
stating, 'If you catch me you can screw me.' Well the overweight fellow chased
her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house.
Finally he did catch her more...
Dave walks into a bar and sees John sittin at the end of the bar counterwith a great big smile on his face Dave says "John what are you so happy for?"
"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Dave. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Dave, she couldn't swim!!."
The next day Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter with a bigger smile on his face. Dave says "What are you so happy about today John?"
"Well Dave... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blonde came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' "Sure more...