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A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog takes the middle seat, and his handler explains that they work for the airline. "Don't mind Rover," the handler says, "he is a sniffer dog, the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work." The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this." He tells the dog, "Rover, search!" The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy!" He turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival." "Fantastic!" replies the first man. Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs more...
Title Search Excerpted from the Empire State Surveyor, New York Society of Professional Surveyors, November 1990 One of the best examples of how ridiculous government paperwork can be is illustrated by a recent case in Louisiana. A company president was trying to buy some land in Louisiana for a plant expansion, and he wanted to finance this new facility with a government loan. His lawyer filled out all the necessary forms and applications and sent them appropriately. The government reviewed his application and abstract and sent the following reply: “We received today your letter enclosing application for your client supported by abstract of title. We have observed, however, that you have not traced the title previous to 1803, and before final approval, it will be necessary that the title be traced previous to that year. Yours truly, etc. ”
As a result, the lawyer sent the following letter to the government:
“Gentlemen, your letter regarding title received. I note you more...
A dedicated UPS (United Parcel Service) union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels nearby. When he got to the first one, he asked the madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" he asked.
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she says.
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the madam responded, "Why yes sir, this IS a union house."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20," replied the madam.
"That's more like it!" the UPS man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. more...
This guy's wife was always wanting to go golfing with him and he
said he didn't think she would enjoy it. She kept pressuring
him and finally he gave in.
So they're on the golf course and on the first hole the guy hits
one 300 yards down the middle of the fairway, hits his second
shot three feet from the pin, and putts for a birdie. This
lucky streak continues and he birdies 5 straight holes.
Then they get to the 6th hole. He takes his driver and hooks
one way out into the left rough behind a barn. They search and
search and find the ball, and he says to his wife, "I'll just
take a penalty and drop the ball out in the fairway."
His wife says, "Wait a minute!" She walks over to the barn and
opens the door on one end and then goes to the other end and
opens that door too. She says, "Look, honey, you can see the
hole from here! The way you've been playing, just hit through
the barn and you'll do more...
You know you’re addicted to the internet when… Surfin’
* Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to scroll top to bottom.
* Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
* You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
* When looking at a pageful of someone else’s links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
* Your dog has its own home page.
* You’ve already visited all the links at Yahoo and you’re halfway through Lycos.
* You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind…the perfect soundtrack for “surfing the net”.
* You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
A man had just settled into his seat next to the
window on theplane when another man sat down in the aisle seat
and put his blackLabrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the
man.
The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and
asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he is a DEA
agent and that the dog is a "sniffing dog". His name
is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get
airborne, when I puthim to work."
The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out,
the agent says:
"Watch this." He tells Sniffer to "search".
Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and
finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for a several seconds.
Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's
arm.
The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man
and says: "That more...