Seat Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.
The Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 60."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks."
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife: "No, only when he's drunk."

Santa gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. He has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense.
As soon as he boarded the plane, a Boeing737, he started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING! BOEING!!! BO... "
He sort of forgets where he is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at Santa and the angry Pilot.
Santa stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

"Hope you don't mind, I just took a leak in your tank"
"You do know there's a guy hiding in your back seat, don't you?"
"Sometimes I have the strangest feeling I'm about to burst into flames"
"Regular, premium, or ranch flavor?"
"You know, if a guy breathes enough fumes, someone like you starts to look pretty good"
"The soda machine was on the fritz today - I had to drink a quart of Quaker State with my lunch"
"Does this uniform make me look pretty?"
"This is my car! You stole my car!"
"I'll check under your hood if you check under my belt"
"Want to make out in the back seat?"
©MMI, CBS Worldwide Inc.

Reasons why a normal Car is a far superior vehicle than a F1 Car"Hundreds of people and tens of millions of dollars go into building an F1 car, but a normal car is a far superior vehicle. You wonder what goes through those guys' minds when design their cars. THEY'RE ALL WRONG!!!!" No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft! No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head. No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to. No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while. No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other. No ashtrays and electric more...

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little more...

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing my mind, I swear we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was mistaken.
She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. She turned to the woman driving and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed more...

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter.
The second biker walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's coffee and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly paid his bill and left the diner. One of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."