Seat Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices. 2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts. 3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza. 4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock.... one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!! 5. Ummmmmm.... Sorry......(silence) 6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff).... uhhhhh.... we have to go back. ... we. . we. ... uhhhhhh. ... forgot something..... 7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now. 8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal more...

There was this man who won a contest and got one free ticket to the Soccer World Cup. He was so happy, but when he got to the stadium and found his seat he was somewhat disappointed. His ticket was for the last row, and it was way up there. He couldn't see the game, so he began looking around.
Close to the field he saw an empty seat, so he decided to go down there. He reached the seat and asked the man next to the unoccupied seat if anyone was seating there.
The man replied, "No." So the guy sat down and struck up a conversation.
"Who would have a seat right next to the field and not come?!?"
The man answers, "Oh, that was my wife's seat."
"Where is she?" the guy replied.
"She died."
"Oh, I'm sorry...don't you have anyone else to come with you, a brother, or friend?"
"No, they couldn't come."
"Why?"
"Because they are at her funeral."

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

Little Johnnie was late for class, and when he saw that the door was already closed, he opened it and went into the classroom tentatively. He very quietly shut the door and tiptoed to his seat hoping not to get the teacher after him.
This upset the teacher, who said him, "Johnnie, is this how your father would have come in - late and sneaking to his seat? Go out and try it again, and get it right this time!"
So, Little Johnnie left the room and shut the door behind him quietly, as he'd come in. Then a moment later, he flung open the door with a clatter and stomped back into the room with a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. He slammed the door behind him, put his cigarette out on the carpet with his foot and said,
"So Honey, didn't expect ME, did ya?"

An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.

As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls down.

As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says, "If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip."

The old man snaps back, "Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today!"

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"...
"No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch."

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at centre ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.

"No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?"

The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head "No. They're all at the funeral."