Seattle Jokes / Recent Jokes
I was in the airport VIP lounge, en route to Seattle, a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner enjoying a drink.
I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straight forward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?" he replied.
"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm waiting on a very important client. when she arrives would you be so kind as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi Ray.'"
"Sure", he replied.
I shook his hand, thanked him and went back to my seat.
About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.
A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
"Hi Ray," he more...
Christmas trees will be going back up at Seattle's airport in a compromise reached with other religious groups.
The airport will also feature a menorah and, bowing to pressure from Aztecs, there will be an hourly human sacrifice in the Club Class lounge.
After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.
Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.
Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail.
But due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address. His message therefore arrived at the home more...
Due to the current financial situation, changes will be made to the Business Travel Standards and Procedures Manual. Effective Monday, the following revised procedures apply:
Lodging
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
Transportation
Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel more...
A newcomer to Seattle arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that.
She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair, asks, "Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?"
The kid says, "How should I know? I'm only 6."
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electricalmalfunction disabled all of aircraft's electronic navigation and communicationequipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine hisposition or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwrittedsign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "WHERE AM I"? in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a largesign an held it in a building window. The sign said, "YOU ARE IN AHELICOPTER". The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steerto SEATAC ( Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU AREIN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because they gave me atechnically correct but more...
Due to the current financial status of the company, all employees are encouraged to adopt the following cost cutting measures.
LODGING - All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
TRANSPORTATION - Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle.
MEALS - more...