Secretary Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "Thats a good piece of fir." "Correct, says the manager, now try this one." "Thats a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager. With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused, says the blind man, Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, youre trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. Its the shit house more...

(Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev and Foreign Secretary Eduard Shevardnadze
met on the eve of the recent super-power summit.)
"What can we do to impress the Americans?" Gorbachev asked
Shevardnadze.
Replied the foreign secretary: "Well, we could open the gates of
the Soviet Union for 24 hours."
"Don't be crazy," Gorbachev replied. "Everybody would go and
it would leave only the two of us sitting here."
"Speak for yourself," shot back Shevardnadze.

A minister of government whose knowledge of English was very poor was provided with a secretary to write speeches for him.' Give me a fifteen-minute speech on the non-aligned movement,' ordered the boss.
The text was prepared to last exactly fifteen minutes. But when the minister proceeded to make his oration, it took him half an hour to do so. The organisers of the conference were upset because their schedule went awry. And the minister was upset because his secretary had let him down. He upbraided him:' I asked for a fifteen minute speech; you gave me a half-hour speech. Why?', he demanded.
'Sir, I gave a fifteen minute speech. But you read out its carbon copy as well.'

I woke up early feeling a little depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, "Another year older", but decided to make the best of it.

So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say Happy Birthday, dear.

All smiles, I went into breakfast and there sat my wife reading the newspaper as usual. She didn''t say one word. So I got myself a cup of coffee and thought to myself, oh well, she just forgot.

The kids will be in in a few minutes all cheery and they will sing Happy Birthday and have a nice gift for me. There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited.

Finally the kids came running in yelling, "Give me a slice of toast", "I''m late", "Where is my coat", and "I''m going to miss the bus". Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office.

When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a smile more...

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and former Secretary of Defense William Perry wanted to go to Oz, to visit the Wizard of Oz. Bill looked at Al and asked him why he wanted to go. Al said that he needed a brain, and Bill agreed with him.
Then, Bill asked the former Secretary of Defense why he wanted to go, and he said that he needed a heart. Bill also agreed with him. Then both looked at Bill and asked him why he was going.
He answered, "I'm looking for Dorothy!"

One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"

The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?"

The man said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"

She said, "Well, if you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as' Pastor,' or' Brother,' but you may certainly not refer to him as the' head hog at the trough!"

To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $10, 000 to the building fund....."

To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, the big fat pig just walked in."

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and the Secretary of Defense all wanted to go to Oz, to visit the Wizard of Oz. Bill looked at Al and asked him why he wanted to go. Al said that he needed a brain, and Bill agreed with him. Then, Bill asked the Secretary of Defense why he wanted to go, and he said that he needed a heart. Bill also agreed with him. Then both looked at Bill and asked him why he was going. He answered, "I'm looking for Dorothy!"