Section Jokes / Recent Jokes

There once was a violist playing in the Winnipeg Symphony. He wasn't that wonderful a player, so he sat at the back of the section. One day, he was cleaning out his attic and discovered an old lamp. He gave it a rub and out popped a genie."For letting me out of my lamp, I'll grant you three wishes!" he said. The violist thought for a moment and replied, "Make me a far better musician than I am now."The genie told him that this would be done. He was to go to sleep and in the morning, he would be a much better musician. The next day, he woke up to find himself the principal violist of the symphony. Well, this was just great, he thought! But he knew he could do better. He rubbed the lamp again and out popped the genie."You have two more wishes!" he said."I want you to make me a better musician than I am even now!"Once again, the genie told him to go to bed and when he woke up, it would be so. When the violist awoke, he found he was now the more...

There once was a violist playing in the Winnipeg Symphony. He wasn`t that wonderful a player, so he sat at the back of the section. One day, he was cleaning out his attic and discovered an old lamp. He gave it a rub and out popped a genie.
"For letting me out of my lamp, I`ll grant you three wishes!" he said.
The violist thought for a moment and replied, "Make me a far better musician than I am now."
The genie told him that this would be done. He was to go to sleep and in the morning, he would be a much better musician. The next day, he woke up to find himself the principal violist of the symphony. Well, this was just great, he thought! But he knew he could do better. He rubbed the lamp again and out popped the genie.
"You have two more wishes!" he said.
"I want you to make me a better musician than I am even now!"
Once again, the genie told him to go to bed and when he woke up, it would be so. When the violist more...

An aging cattle-rancher bought a bull at a livestock auction. When he got it to the ranch house, he noticed that it was cross-eyed. Very upset that he'd received damaged goods, he called a veterinary optometrist to come out and look at his new bull's cross-eyes.
The optometrist checked out the bull's eyes, then proceeded to go to his truck for a 10 foot section of plastic hose and an air compressor. He cranked up the air compressor and hooked the hose to it, then inserted about 2 feet of the other end of the hose into the bull's colon. He then shot a highly charged spray of air into the hose, causing the bull to literally jump off the ground. He then walked around to the front of the bull and said, "Well, that takes care of his cross-eyes. They're normal now." He then handed the rancher a vet bill for $1,000.
The rancher was extremely disturbed by the $1,000 vet bill. He said, "My God, you spent all of 10 minutes with the bull and all you did was blow some air more...

There once was a violist playing in the Winnipeg Symphony. He wasn't that wonderful a player, so he sat at the back of the section. One day, he was cleaning out his attic and discovered an old lamp. He gave it a rub and out popped a genie."For letting me out of my lamp, I'll grant you three wishes!" he said.The violist thought for a moment and replied, "Make me a far better musician than I am now."The genie told him that this would be done. He was to go to sleep and in the morning, he would be a much better musician. The next day, he woke up to find himself the principal violist of the symphony. Well, this was just great, he thought! But he knew he could do better. He rubbed the lamp again and out popped the genie."You have two more wishes!" he said."I want you to make me a better musician than I am even now!"Once again, the genie told him to go to bed and when he woke up, it would be so. When the violist awoke, he found he was now the principal more...