Section Jokes / Recent Jokes

A beautiful blonde woman boards a flight to New York with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then at the ones up ahead in first class. Deciding that the first class seats look much larger and far more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty seat. When the flight attendant checks her ticket, she tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
"I'm young, blonde and beautiful," the blonde says, "and 'I'm going to sit here all the way to New York."
The flustered flight attendant goes to the cockpit and tells the captain about the problem she's having with the blonde. The captain goes back and tells the blonde her assigned seat is in coach and she'll have to move.
"I'm young, blonde and beautiful and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York," says the blonde.
Not wanting to cause a commotion, the captain returns to the cockpit and discusses the blonde with his co-pilot. Since the co-pilot has a blonde more...

A glossary of Medical Terms, and alternate meanings as given by Sardars
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Benign................ What you be after you be eight.
Artery................ The study of paintings.
Bacteria.............. Back door to cafeteria.
Barium................ What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section...... A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan............... Searching for kitty.
Cauterize............. Made eye contact with her.
Colic................. A sheep dog.
Coma.................. A punctuation mark.
D & C................. Where Washington is.
Dilate................ To live long.
Enema................. Not a friend.
Fester................ Quicker than someone else.
Fibula................ A small lie.
Genital............... Non-Jewish person.
G. I. Series........... World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail.............. What you more...

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: more...

An Indian abroad ran out of foreign exchange and went looking for the cheapest eating place in town. He located an Indian restaurant and went in. He found three sections:' European, Chinese, Indian'. He went into the Indian. It was divided into two:' Vegetarian and Non-vegetarian.' He went into the vegetarian, which was further subdivided into pure' Ghee and Vanaspati.' He went to the vanaspati section and found yet another division:' Cash and Credit.' Cheered at the prospect of not having to pay in foreign exchange he opted for the credit section. When he got to it he found the sign:' Exit: get out.'

No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored - nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits - nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.) It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License. Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection withany religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.). All bees more...

SIEM REAP, CAMBODIA--The paint is barely dry on the new Siem Reap Barnes & Noble, a gleaming, $6 million, 60, 000-square-foot book store/coffeehouse that the American bookselling giant boasts is the finest in this rural village of 2, 100. But already a serious question is being raised: Can the new bookstore--with its enormous selection, discount prices and chic espresso bar--peacefully co-exist with smaller, independently owned bookstores in the area? Store manager Amy Kleinert believes the answer is yes. "Barnes & Noble's presence will help local book sales," said Kleinert, who was previously regional manager for Barnes & Noble's Seattle-area stores. "Our store will stimulate an interest in reading, which can only be a good thing for all area book sellers." Less optimistic is Tuel Cheng, a used-book dealer and small-press operator who was recently forced out of business. "Hun Sen's troops came in the night to burn my books and smashed my son's skull on the more...

There once was a violist playing in the Winnipeg Symphony. He wasn't that wonderful a player, so he sat at the back of the section. One day, he was cleaning out his attic and discovered an old lamp. He gave it a rub and out popped a genie." For letting me out of my lamp, I'll grant you three wishes!" he said. The violist thought for a moment and replied, "Make me a far better musician than I am now." The genie told him that this would be done. He was to go to sleep and in the morning, he would be a much better musician. The next day, he woke up to find himself the principal violist of the symphony. Well, this was just great, he thought! But he knew he could do better. He rubbed the lamp again and out popped the genie." You have two more wishes!" he said." I want you to make me a better musician than I am even now!"Once again, the genie told him to go to bed and when he woke up, it would be so. When the violist awoke, he found he was now the more...