Security Jokes / Recent Jokes
A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line for quite a long time he arrived at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks.
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." He opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," as she processes his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants -- you might have qualified for disability, too."
We've just been notified by Security that there have been six suspected terrorists working out of your office.
Five of the six have been apprehended.
Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody. Our agent advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the sixth cell member, Bin Workin, at your office.
Security is confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot. You are obviously not a suspect at this time
A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks.
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing lost of curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me." and she processes his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too."
Nina and Liz are having a conversation during there lunch break. Nina asks, "So, Liz, how's your sex life these days?" Liz replies, "Oh, you know. It's the usual, Social Security kind." "Social Security?" Nina asked quizzically. "Yeah, you get a little each month, but it's not enough to live on."
My computer broke down. It crashed and burned! And for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay busy...And keep it off my mind. It was worse than cigarettes, at least butts I can find! So I went to Wal-Mart, and got on their pc. The cashier in electronics was staring at me.But I didn't care. I had to get on line! Check my mail, and see what buddies I can find. I drew a crowd as I began to cry.I couldn't find the password no matter how hard I tried! I need my AOL! I got to have my fix! Go to my favorite places, check out some cool pics.The cashier called Security! I heard her whisper low, "We have ourselves a Psycho here and she has got to go!" Security rushed over. Not long did he stall. Obviously he has never suffered from AOL withdrawal. He slapped cuffs on my wrists and threw me out the door! Then he looked at me and said, "Don't come round here no more!"I feel so embarrassed! I have sunk so low! To be kicked out of Wal-Mart... How low can I go? So I'll try more...
There once was a man who had been in a depressed state for months. His dog that he'd had since childhood ran away, his fianc
MEMO TO: All Hospital Staff
FROM: Administration/Groundskeeper
SUBJECT: New Cost Cutting Measures
Effective January 1 this hospital will no longer provide security. Each charge nurse will be issued a. 38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in the pharmacy. In addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided for patrolling the park areas.
In light of the similarity of monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over the security surveillance duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for watching cardio and security monitors as well as continuing previous secretarial duties.
Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need to let their families know to bring something, or may make arrangements with Subway, Domino's, etc., before meal time. Coin-operated telephones will be available in the patient more...