Seized Jokes

Excerpted from the book "Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest," (c) 1996 by John J Kohut and Roland Sweet
In 1990, the [United States] Customs Service launched six helium-filled balloons equipped with surveillance equipment to detect drug smuggling along the Mexican border.
The balloons cost $90 million to build and $30 million to operate during the thirty months in which agents seized only 3000 pounds of marijuana and nine weapons.
Even though this works out to $40000 for each pound of marijuana seized, Sen. Dennis DeConcini (D-Arizona) defended the program by pointing out that the low numbers prove the balloons are deterring smuggling activity.

I want to know how they caught that much...
In 1990, the [United States] Customs Service launched six helium-filled balloons equipped with surveillance equipment to detect drug smuggling along the Mexican border.
The balloons cost $90 million to build and $30 million to operate during the thirty months in which agents seized only 3000 pounds of marijuana and nine weapons.
Even though this works out to $40000 for each pound of marijuana seized, Sen. Dennis DeConcini (D-Arizona) defended the program by pointing out that the low numbers prove the balloons are deterring smuggling activity.

The maitre d'hotel at the Ritz was interviewing waiters for an important society banquet to be held in the hotel that night. There were very few applicants for the jobs and time was running short. One applicant named Angelo, when asked where he had previously worked as a waiter, gave Harry's Hash House as a reference. The maitre d' reluctantly engaged Angelo, with a word of warning to mind his manners, for this is the Ritz.
During the banquet, after serving the turtle soup, Angelo noticed that the bosom of an attractive young debutante had fallen out of her low-cut gown into her plate of soup. Quick as a flash, Angelo jumped forward, seized the lady's bosom and, after drying it with a table napkin, slipped it back into her gown.
As he was returning to the kitchen to serve the next course, the maitre d' seized him by the arm and furiously denounced him as a clumsy oaf.
"But what was I to do?" Angelo cried. "I couldn't very well just leave it out there more...

General Tikka Khan of Pakistan and his troops left behind a sizeable anthology of jokes in Bangladesh which are still recounted there. The pattern of those jokes is very much the same as those manufactured by the Jews under Hitlerite tyranny.
A farmer brought his prize rooster to sell in the market.' What do you feed that bird that he is so big?' asked a Pathan solider of the Pakistan army.'
'I feed it rice, sir,' replied the farmer.
'How dare you waste rice on the bird while we are short of food?' said the Pathan and seized the bird.
The next day the farmer brought another rooster to sell.' What do you feed that bird that he is so big?' demanded a Baluch soldier of the Pakistan army.
'Sir, I feed it with ghee,' replied the farmer.
'How dare your waste ghee on a bird while we are short of food!' swore the Baluchi as he seized the bird.
On the third day the poor farmer brought his last remaining rooster to the market. This time a Punjabi Mussalman more...

>THE EPIC OF THE BAKED BEAN
>
>Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked
>beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always
>caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them. The
>reaction of his body to the beans was swift and terrible to behold.
>
>One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they
>would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and humiliated
>by his addiction to baked beans. He decided to make the supreme sacrifice
>and give up his beloved baked beans. A short time later they were married.
>
>Some months later, on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was
>not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of
>the way. He passed a small roadside cafe and decided to call his wife and
>tell her that he would be late for supper. As he entered the cafe, more...