Selling Jokes / Recent Jokes

Policeman: "Lady, I'm arresting you for prostitution."
Woman: "I'm not selling sex, I'm selling condoms with a free demonstration."

The agent for a beautiful actress discovered one day that she had been selling her body at a hundred dollars a night. The agent, who had long lusted for her, hadn't dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable. He approached her, told her how much she turned him on, and how much he wanted to make it with her.
She agreed to spend the night with him, but said he would have to pay her the same hundred dollars that the other customers did. He scratched his head, considered it, and then asked, "Don't I even get my agent's ten percent as a deduction?"
"No siree," she said. "If you want it, you're going to have to pay full price for it, just like the other Johns."
The agent didn't like that at all, but he agreed.
That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local night club. The agent did her at midnight, after turning out all the lights.
At 1 A.M., she was awakened again. Again she was vigorously done. In a little more...

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye. It loudly announced, "$500 Porsche! New!" The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but he said to himself, 'it's worth a shot.'
So he went to the lady's house who was selling the Porsche and she led him into the garage. Sure enough, there was an almost brand new Porsche.
"Wow!" the man said, "Can I take it for a test drive?"
"Sure," answered the lady. Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly.
When he got back to the lady's house, he asked her, "Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"
Then the lady replied with a laugh, "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me, 'You can have the house and the furniture, just sell my Porsche and send me the money.' "

A woman was looking for a used car to buy and saw an ad in the classifieds. It read: Brand new 1995 Mercedes Benz, slate blue, loaded, etc. Sell for $150.00.

She was astonished and decided to call the seller and check it out. The woman selling the car was glad to show it to her and, to her surprise, the car was in perfect condition.

She asked the woman, "What's the catch? Why are you selling this car so cheaply?"

"Well," she said, "it's my husband's car actually, and he recently ran off with his young secretary. I got a telegram from him last week that read:' In Miami. Need money. Sell car'."

This guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks, "How much are your parrots?"The salesman answers, "The first one is $1, 000." "What does he know?""He knows 10, 000 words and 500 sentences and is able to solve mathematical expressions.""How about the second one?""The second parrot costs $5, 000.""What does he know?""He knows 100, 000 words and 10, 000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs.""Then what is the price for the third one?, the buyer is wondering.""This one costs $20, 000.""Really?!, wonders the exciting buyer. What does he know?""This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him THEIR BOSS."

You get merit badge for picking the trifecta at Aqueduct
You help old ladies across I-95
First rule in handbook: "Blame the kid who can't speak English"
You're part of a very special troop called the Gambino family
To become an Eagle Scout, you have to catch and eat a Bald Eagle
Since he can't get time off, troop leader holds meetings in his Century 21 office
You get busted for selling knot-tying secrets to Russian Boy Scouts
Scout master hands out his favorite campfire treat - Marlboro Lights
Troop motto: "Be prepared...to lie on the witness stand"
Every year you have to put on a skit and go door-to-door selling cookies
©MMI, CBS Worldwide Inc.

This guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks, "How much are your parrots?" The salesman answers, "The first one is $1,000." "What does he know?" "He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences and is able to solve mathematical expressions." "How about the second one?" "The second parrot costs $5,000." "What does he know?" "He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs." "Then what is the price for the third one?, the buyer is wondering." "This one costs $20,000." "Really?!, wonders the exciting buyer. What does he know?" "This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him' THEIR BOSS.'"